Motorcycle Text Mama

I swallowed my nutritional supplement right after my morning hike knowing it would be about 20 minutes before I could eat. I am almost home when I recall that I have nothing in the house to eat except my granddaughter’s instant dinosaur egg oatmeal. That will not happen! I turn around and head over to the doughnut shop. I grab a ham and cheese kolache and a raspberry doughnut 

(It is fruit!!) I make coffee and set up here to write. I take a bite of the kolache and it tastes like burnt shoe leather. The ham is brown and tough like cheap jerky. I do not eat the rest. What have they been warming up the same batch of crap all week long? Was this really made on Monday and reheated all week? Last time I go there. Maybe I was looking for a reason all along. I should say thank you. It un-nerved me to purchase food from a place that placed donuts before an altar of idols.

I now remember I quit eating at my favorite restaurant in Ft. Worth for that very reason. However, I admire the courage of their conviction. How many Christians who own restaurants display their GOD? Should I interview every eating establishment? I need to work this out in my head and heart.

Dear lady in the white Cadillac. The appropriate moment to enter the turn lane is clearly marked at the intersection. You drove for a little over a quarter mile in a turning lane. Not the turn lane for the intersection. You had your bloody blinker on for the entire time passing up a church and 3 businesses. How was I supposed to know what your bloody intention was? Learn how to drive!!!!!!!!!!! Go back to drivers-ed and learn what the markings on the bloody road mean. You are a hazard! You are bloody ignorant and you should be locked away somewhere safe like….

Biker dude! You may think you look very imposing and frightening and “bad to the bone” while on your bike but your female makes you look like a buffoon while she sits up on her pad and is texting what looks like a novel. I laughed. Was that the intended reaction?

Whoever you are who dumped your dilapidated love seat out by the park. GO BACK AND GET IT!!! Really?? Who told you Schertz was your personal trash receptacle? You probably live in a trailer

and really, why don’t you just dump it out the back door of your trailer like your neighbors do? Make arrangements with someone to haul it off. Why should the tax payers of Schertz have to pay for the time and gas for their maintenance crew to pick up your trash? How is that fair to the other tax payers? What makes you so bloody special? I do not know where you come from but please!! Go back there!

Ok I really need to move to an island.

Cheers!

Las Vegas or ?

I am driving down a road that is under construction. It has been torn up for months and I drive this road 4 times each week, up one way and back down the other. I go very slowly due to the rough road, men working and all the equipment. For the past few weeks there have been school buses going up and down this same road. You know, school buses, big yellow buses. Today the lane is narrowed to one side due to the men sawing a huge chunk out of the other side.

 I can see the bus on my side so I slow down to a crawl and stop so the bus can get by. Mr. Traffic director is waving his arms in a panic for me to stop. I am already by this time looking at my speedometer read 2. I can see the bus. Yes traffic dude, there it is, right behind you a huge yellow bus. He holds his arms out as if he is defending an attacking against me and I am armed with a sword. I have stopped a good distance away and still he is in arm waving panic. DUDE!!!!! I CAN SEE THE BUS!!!!!!

 He was maybe a little demented.

I was in the office last week when a young teenage girl and her dad came into the office where I was working. They asked if we had some puppies. We do not keep animals. All of our cats and dogs live in foster homes. She was so disappointed. I gave her the web site address and told her to get online and check out what we had available and schedule a visit.

I also told her to check out what might be available at the shelter and then informed her that we had an adoption event at PetSmart on Saturday.

The point of this little tale was how sweet the scenario was. Daughter and daddy must have discussed a pet and talked over size and breed and care and responsibility. He was beaming like the proverbial Proud Papa and she was just glowing with excitement and triumph. I absolutely hated to disappoint her. She just crumbled when I explained the situation.

But as I further explained that the fostered pets were all vetted and lived in homes where they were taught manners that she would be getting an already trained dog she just needed to provide the love. Her and her daddy both perked up again and decided that perhaps adopting was a good idea. I wonder how it ended.

Free Slurpee day!!! 

Oh yes only at 7-11 why, you may ask, well because today is 7-11. Hahaha Free small Slurpee from 7AM – 11PM I am looking online for a store near me. Groovy! I found 4 near here.

One more thing Las Vegas, a place I have been many times with some friends in September or someplace on my own where I have never been? Which to choose? They are staying for free because they are VIP. I would not be so ….spend my money somewhere exciting and new or Las Vegas.

I will take suggestions and opinions. You know how to reach me. 

No Slaw

Guess who ran out of coleslaw over the holiday weekend? KFC. Can you believe it? That rates right up there with Sonic running out of lemonade. I did not need it for a party or dinner. It was late one afternoon and I was craving some slaw so instead of whipping up a batch I would then be obligated to eat I opted for a ready-made 1 serving size pack. Nope, it did not happen.

So because I cannot abide living in the “hood” here now, I have been looking into moving. I found a 2 bedroom for under $1200 per month and then I read the finer print. $500 refundable pet deposit, $500 nonrefundable pet deposit and a $10 increase per month for pets and I have 2 so that would be an additional $20. $35 dollar application fee and an additional $300 for a high risk credit report, $400 deposit refundable and $400 nonrefundable deposit just to move in. I do not want to buy the place!

My mother boarded a flight this morning for her annual Pearis Boy get together. She says she left an envelope marked ‘In case of my Death” for my brother and me. It has instructions and directions and clues for a scavenger hunt of things we will need upon her death. She also informed me that her executrix has a copy of her will. Is this really the last words you want to hear from your mom?

The park staff has reminded me that the giant paw prints we see as we walk have claw marks and bob cats are cats so they walk on their tippy toes with claws retracted so when I ask what they are from they both look at each other and say chupacabra, Great! The prints of some mythical creature that sucks blood is what we are seeing. This is so much better.

The word chupacabra translates to mean goat sucker. They suck the blood from goats sort of like a vampire. 

Day Life

Yesterday moved like a life.  Let me explain.

I awoke and had a normal morning; the kind with breakfast and a shower type of thing.  All very innocent; you feed the baby, you bathe the baby, dress the baby. Eventually you are ready to take it on an outing.  So life begins… I got the photo assignment for the July Fourth parade and festival in Garden Ridge.  I geared up and off I went. Spoke to the crowd, snapped some photos and staked out the turf. The festivities began with a pledge and a song to commemorate the event. Birth

As I was trekking my way to an advantageous point along the parade route a patriotic bedecked group of rambunctious little boys on bikes were discussing the rest of their day. One little guy showed up his cheeks flushed , breathing hard as though he had over-exerted himself, announced to his comrades that he had been granted permission to be in the parade. Cheers all around from his fellow bikers. They rode off toward the crowd in an excited flurry.  Youthful  enthusiasm.

I made it back home. Downloaded the photos, did a bit of editing, sorting and deleting and mailed them to my editor. Educational years.

I again loaded into the car and over to Schertz to work the beer booth for the afternoon. Excitement was the emotions that filled the park. The carnival, the BBQ contest, the apple pie contest, the watermelon eating contest all vied for your attention. The anticipation of the fireworks, the upcoming entertainment had the crowd anxious. We looked at every ID and wrapped wrist bands around large hairy man arms and delicate smooth feminine wrists. My favorite line became “Club Schertz we ID everybody!” people laughed then and their annoyance melted. I flirted with old men and catered to ladies. It was a frolic and every one was in party mood. I cajoled and smoothed and my former bartending days flowed back. Party Years.

After my shift I had some dinner and watched a movie and heard the sound of fireworks. As I stepped outside I could hear men up the drive from me arguing loudly and still the distant boom of the fireworks. They got louder and the boom kept going. They cursed each other and yelled and more fireworks exploded. One of them got in his car and left. A few moments later he came back and still there was the red glare from rockets. At last the troops showed up and converged on the scene. Conflict years.

The fireworks had ceased, the men arguing had stopped, the last remnants of pear infused vanilla caramel disappeared from my tongue and the bottle was empty. The End

Today is the obituary of the life that was yesterday.

Enjoy your adventure!

Pity For You

I forgot to post a piece of art on the Artz Council page yesterday. Felt bad for hours and then when I got home it was after 10:30pm and a wee bit late.  So I did it now, may do another one later to catch up. Not that it matters to anyone but me. Just had to go to confession for a minute here, bless me.

Dear male persons longing at the door to Home Depot. Yes I asked for the broom department. Yes you heard me the first time there was no need to repeat it so I hope you liked my second “uppity bitch” response.

Dear male creatures wandering the isles in Home Depot looking about like you have entered the Halls of Valhalla and you are searching for Shield Maidens. 

Just because you see a woman with a broom does not mean she has purchased a “new ride”. Clearly you know nothing about Vampires!

Dear uninformed driver, mind reading has not been offered in college since the late 1600s please stop assuming we can all read your mind. Can you read mine? Good then you know how I feel about you and your incredibly rude bad habit.  One more thing that DV on your license plate is not a pass to drive badly, poorly or rudely so stop believing you are exempt from courtesy.

Dear pathetic little man.  You were making an effort to be rude. Was it ..

A.       Because I am  a woman

B.         Because I drive a Lincoln and you were in a 1976 suburu

C.        Because you were born and ass

D.        Because I am not your color

You saw I was going to park in the space next to your car so you slowed your walking pace and walked so that I was unable to pull into the spot. You looked me in the eye as you did this. You then looked at me as you pretended to fumble in your pocket for the keys which were on a key ring bundled with enough keys to anchor a 10,000 passenger cruise ship so they were not that hard to find. You then fumbled to unlock the door, which you took great pains to open. Then you almost sat down but got back out to get our phone out of your pocket which you then scrolled through looking for …what? Your mother to call and tell you how proud you make her with your rude behavior?  You are still looking at me through all this and the chip on shoulder is now the size of the Statue of Liberty’s head.  Have I  looked away? NO am I afraid of you NO. Do you intimidate me? NO . I was actually feeling a great amount of pity for you. Is that the reaction you wanted? I doubt it. Did you feel like a big man? Hey pathetic male creature how did you feel when I failed to look away?  You got in your car and then left the door wide open so I still could not park. I would have driven on but you issued the challenge.  Closed the door pretty quick when I started pulling my car in the spot didn't you?  I do not know what happened to you or who did it but it was NOT me! Is this how you behave to all women?  All people? Shall we compare sad tales? I just might win!  How do you expect people to react to you? What did you want me to do? How did you see our little drama ending? What is wrong with you?  I would have shrugged this all off but you were so intent on keeping eye contact so I would know you were intentionally being aggressive.  I pity you and I loathe you.  Mission accomplished for you?

Ol' Nick Made Me

Good Morning Citizens,

So… there I was having a friendly drive to the post office to deposit a letter in the drop box. There are 2 cars blocking the 4 boxes. I wait. I wait. Still I waited. The cars do not move. A car backs out of a spot directly across from the boxes. I pull in, park, jump out, cross the 20 feet of parking lot, drop my letter in a box, scurry back across the parking lot, get back in my car, back out and drive away.  Car 1 was apparently writing her letter and then looked all over her car for a stamp. Car 2 was simply escorting car 1. You see car 1 blocked all four boxes and car 2 the space behind. When car 1 left, car 2 simply followed close behind and I do mean close; not even three feet separated the bumpers and they did not stop at the boxes. It was freaky. They stayed that close as far as I was going the same direction.

Further down the street from the post office as I was coming to an intersection without a stop sign; the cross traffic had to stop but not our lane, freaky car couple slowed down to almost a stop and drove on. I get to the intersection without slowing down and the car at the cross street decides to go ahead and turn right in front of me. Can you not see the huge dark grey Lincoln steam-rolling toward you? Did your stop sign say “all stop or 4-way stop”? NO NO it did not!!!! Did they notice I was about to slam into them? Yes right about 10 seconds from impact and they stepped on the gas with a look of panic on their face. No, I did not hit them; I actually slowed way down and let them get far ahead.

“Mom, let’s get some lemonade from Sonic for the drive home.” 

Good idea. We pull in and poke the red button, “Raspberry lemonade and a strawberry lemonade please.”  The box responds ….”uh we are out of lemonade”. My response “Excuse me?” The box “we are out of lemonade”.  Ok… “Watermelon cream slush and water”. The box responds “we are out of watermelon”. 

My response… “Really! ……Well how about 2 waters and some cheese sticks”. Are you ready for this….. the box responds “we are out of cheese sticks”.

 I started the car, backed out and left. It is a good thing rocket launchers are not a factory installed item on a Lincoln.  How can you be out of lemonade in July???

My friend Vic was working a crossword puzzle when the puzzle was Old Nick. So she fills in the blank with Santa thinking it is Santa Claus as in Jolly old St. Nicholas. I would have done the same thing. Except that was wrong. Old Nick is Satan not Santa. She asked me if I knew anything about this. Surprisingly I do not, but, we are all about to learn about it.

Old Nick - an English appellation of Christian teaching about the Devil. Yeah that clears it right up.

Old Nick refers to the devil, Satan, Master of Hell.  It is British/Australian jovial term for Satan.  It was first used around 1645. The  Dutch word for devil is nikken and this word nikken comes through  the anglo/saxon word  noec-an , which means to slay. In the North there are tales of an evil river spirit named Nikke.

Some believe that Old Nick comes from Niccolò Machiavelli; or perhaps from the word iniquity.  Iniquity is sin, act of depravity, wickedness, and evil-doing.

You are welcome!

Dream Chatter

Over the years that I have been writing these letters they have changed. As my needs change so have these letters. Sometimes I am on a rant, a lament, a retelling, a mystery, a biography.  Sometimes the words just flow other times it becomes a struggle followed by guilt at just not wanting to say anything. Sometimes the only thing to say is just a silent scream delivered with hurricane force. Sometimes my head is just filled with so many things that I simply cannot find words to express. The Bible mentions this phenomenon so I do not let it worry me.

All that being said for my benefit not yours…

I did not find the time to Ghost Hunt this weekend. I logged on to the website but then sat there for a moment trying to decide which rabbit hole to go down and then logged off. I drove my granddaughter over to her other grandparents’ house instead.  She got out of the car and walked away without even a backward glance at me. I sat in the car waiting for her mother, forgotten in her excitement to see the others. I thought “this should bother me” but I just could not muster any hurt feelings. She chatters about them all the time.  She is excited about them all the time. She should have grandparents she feels that way about it just is not me. I am the other kind. The one who is mysterious, eccentric, quirky the one you are slightly fearful of but curious about.  I have baskets of seashells and other sea critters. 

Shelves she will discover with bones on them and other odd items, 

books about pirates and vampires. Rocks and other earthy things in decorate boxes.

 She spends hours with tiny pads of paper drawing things. We read books.

I had a grandmother who was a grand dame; a true Socialite, a Matron of the city.  My other grandmother lived on a farm. I did not prefer one over the other. They were both unique and wonderful, many amazing days and adventures. One grandfather famous about town the other infamous; it was great! I just wish I had known to ask them about family history.

My dream last night played out like s movie. I did not recall even until I tried later to remember the movie I watched. That is when I realized it was not a movie. I was sitting observing and then as through a mist I became the lead character except that it was male. But it starts with a narrative that leads me into the roll. There was a dream sequence even that explained a bit of my back story. Twice there was a retake. Not because of a mistake but because of humor. I even remember hearing the director say “Ok! Great! Bring it in guys we got what we need here! “Laughter, lots of laughter at the end. I have never had a dream like that before. It still feels like I shot a scene.

When I was in the summer between 7^th and 8^th grades I had signed up to get a weekly educational newsletter. It would come in the mail every Monday. I remember waiting, for what seemed all day, for the mail to arrive at about 10:15 on those summer Mondays.  Today feels like. Anticipation envelopes me.

I must move on to my Artz blog. This week we celebrate Patience Wright. She was a spy in King George’s Court. She would send missives back to America hidden in wax sculptures during our Revolutionary war.

How will this day unfold?