Spidey Phone

Dear Chevrolet, I live in Texas. I do NOT speak Spanish. Just because we live in Texas does NOT make us of Spanish descent. We are also NOT part of Mexico. I believe we won that battle about 100 years ago. We speak English or at worst ‘Tex/Mex” . Do NOT feed me ads in Spanish and expect me to be thrilled to hop on over and check you out. Oh, and by the way I will NOT be buying a Chevrolet. And, if this is because I translated a few words at google translate I was creating an ad where a chihuahua needed to say "Mi nombre es Paulo".

As I was listening to Sarah Vaughan sing Someone to Watch Over Me,

 I wondered if I had Angels watching over me all day what do they do? Just watch? Hang Out? Do they sip on my coffee when I leave the room? Can they taste coffee? If they can’t do they wish they could or does food not even cross their minds because they have no stomachs. In Genesis 18:8 it says …When the food was ready, Abraham took some yogurt and milk and the roasted meat, and he served it to the men.

As they ate, Abraham waited on them in the shade of the trees. These are three men that appear to Abraham. They were Angels and look it says “they ate”. Hmmm…..?

I am at the office (the other one not the home one) and was about to wrap this up when I received an e-mail to write an adoption plea for a dog named Bingo. Oh yeah, you guessed it, now the bloody song Bingo is wafting around in my head. My mind in running wild with ideas for an attention grabbing song introduction to this dog; something like…..there was a family that raised a pup and Bingo was his name-O.

My daughter, Lovey who graciously put me on her phone plan had her phone uh…. Relocated while at a club

and mine is still shattered as you recall. She decided that since my phone was due for an update that she would get new phones all around. Mine is coming in the mail and has been scheduled to arrive since Thursday and then Friday and now today she informed me and them that I am at this office. It could have arrived at the office on Saturday. I am looking around to see if Miss J may have received it while she was here over the weekend and low and behold I see a phone. It is red (love red!), it is compact (Great I have small hands) it does not appear to have a lot of bells and whistles (it is a phone not an i-pad) it has Spiderman on it.??!!!??? 

I have waited for 5 days for a Spiderman phone? I am a DeadPool girl (something about a man with a Teddy Bear).

This cannot be right!! It does play a quirky little tune when it rings though.

Still waiting for a phone….

Other Brother hahaha

Did I also mention that my Mad Hatter French Press is now dead as well as the teapot. Yes the carafe inside the press broke while I was washing it. It has a teacup on top of the plunger and the case is cutouts of Alice.

 My daughter had bought it for me at Disneyland. It came with very un-birthday tea. I am saddened by this event and am wondering what all this tea serving tragedy is all about. Is it a sign? Does it mean anything? Do not even say “It means stop drinking hot tea!” I just bought a box of sugar cubes for tea and if I cannot use them in tea then I must use them for Absinthe and that stuff is expensive!

I want it to be known that I LOVED The Lone Ranger movie. 

It was charming, as in the curious little boy at the Wild West Showcase. 

It was funny, as in the band came back all bandaged up after the two trains departed. It was decadent, as in the Madame had an ivory leg everyone wanted to touch.

It had revenge, as in the trade for the watch. There was intrigue and whimsy. That is my favorite, whimsy. I would change my name to Whimsy if I did not like the one I have. Johnny could also be a Whimsy, Whimsy Depp. I could not believe two and one half hours rolled by; I was having so much fun. I was very disappointed when it was over.

Kirby Sattler paintng that was the inspiration

It was a brilliant use of the theme music, the William Tell Overture during the final train scenes. I do not understand any, ANY, of the mean spirited criticism that people heaped upon the movie. I can only surmise that those people have lost their joy. Maybe they never had any; maybe they do not understand joy. This movie filled me with joy, happiness, it was a grand adventure and I had an enormous amount of fun. I was transported and actually is that not what they are supposed to do. Take us on a journey. If I wanted a documentary I would hook up some cable and stay home and watch TV. I wish it was out on DVD already so I could buy it and watch it again and again and again. I am sure there were plenty of little things I missed. But I did see the trade Tonto made with the red and white striped roasted peanut bag that the wide eyed boy in the showcase was carrying, for the girly cards at the grave sites of one of the rangers. 

On my door when I left yesterday was a note from management. It was not there earlier. It says that my rent will increase by $56 starting September 1. If I choose not to accept the new terms and sign a year lease again my rent will go up $156. I say I need to move again. The carpet in here is about 30 years old and I know they have no intention to change it unless I move out. I am still plagued by the giant bee/wasp/hornets that live in the ground outside my front door. I have told them about these varmints and still pest control has not gotten rid of them. It is me and the Borax every night sprinkling it on the new holes they burrow up. As I searched all over the local area online last night I discover that most places want a pet deposits of upwards a $700, and an additional $10 - $50 in rent for the pet. Hey Linda is your little cabana available? 

I did find a house in Maine near the beach for rent. I am VERY tempted.

Going to make coffee now. 

Teapot Lament

I was driving down the boulevard at the suggested speed limit when I see to my left a car pull up to the stop sign and then proceed on to making their turn. I had to apply a good size amount of pressure to my brakes and slow down. The daft creature driving did not speed up. Much to my irritation it crawled on along the road almost slower than at the speed at which they made the turn. I would have pulled to the right to pass but my turn was to the left and we were not far from it, It slides over into the left turn lane at the turn before mine and I am happy it will no longer  cause me a hazard. So I speed back up to the suggested speed limit and the dim-witted creature just continues to drive along in the turn lane well past the turn all the way to my turn. I had to again apply brake pressure so I could maneuver into the turn lane. The light is red so we (I) wait. After a pause the creature turns left and continues on down the road. But not me, the light, you see is still red. Drunk? Stoned? Grief stricken? My favorite… in love?

Do you call it a couch, sofa, or divan?

Divan comes from the Persian word diwan. A long seat formed of a mattress against a wall along which pillows are placed. Sometimes the mattress was positioned on a frame or a raised dais.  These seating structures were normally found in council chambers where politicians or royal council would gather to discuss matters of state. In Persia the council was called a diwan. 

Sofa is from the Aramaic word sippa meaning mat. It becomes suffa in Arabic meaning carpet or divan. It is a Turkish word and ended up as sofa.

Couch is from the French word couche, which comes via a verb that means to lie down. Couches were intended for reclining.

Sort of makes a regular piece of furniture sound so much more Romantic.

My faithful teapot has died. It has dissolved into a 1014 cracks fissures and piths. I loved that pot; it was white ceramic and came with an insulated metal warmer and my misty green Chinese silk tea cozy fit on it beautifully. I am pondering ideas on a proper burial for it. I am leaning toward pansies being planted in it. 

Meanwhile what to do? This morning I opted for a silver teapot that belonged to my mother. Part of a tea service my father bought for her from a shop in London. There is water stained note, written with a fountain pen in the bottom of the pot that says James Drain & Sons, cerico 1875, Floral Re`pousse`

Very NOT enlightening. However  it does sound like a mystery. Meanwhile, I need to either find a tea cozy to fit the silver teapot or the china teapot or buy another teapot to fit the existing tea cozies I have.

I wish all my troubles were this trivial.

Cheers

Noah is Comfort

As was suggested to me I went to the outside book return and examined it inside and out. No note. However one of you suggested that the return address was the clue and I would find the answer there. 529 Genesis. There is a chapter 5 verse 29 in Genesis and it reads…….

And he called his name Noah, saying, This same shall comfort us concerning our work and toil of our hands, because of the ground which the LORD hath cursed. The name signed on the letter Noah Sarke now looks much like Noah’s Ark. Now, a verse about Noah bringing comfort and the LORD cursing the land (must be why it is so bloody hot here in Texas).   I looked up the name Noah and one of the meanings was repose. The name on the envelope is R.E. Pose.

Well, that just cleared everything up! I still have a key to nothing.

I have 149 photographs I need to sort through from an event I shot so, I will go and relax and do that and maybe this whole Noah thing will sort itself out. Everyone is doing a wonderful job of offering suggestions. Thanx!

One more thing….you two Jersey Shore wanna-be’s. You may think you look young, hot, and sexy in your wife beaters and board shorts. You may feel that you have the driving skills of Jimmie Johnson.

You were in a burgundy minivan!!!Young hot single guys do NOT drive burgundy minivans!!

Also guys you graduated college 6 years ago GROW UP!! One more thing you bloody pair of idiots, Jimmie would not have performed that stupid stunt at a stop sign. Real men would not have vacated their vehicle and run and hid inside a store. Face your opponent you bloody cowards!! I allowed you the opportunity. I pulled right up behind you and stared at you. But you, driver boy, as soon as I drove on you got out of the minivan and walked as fast as you could without it looking like you were running into the store leaving your laughing buddy to stumble along and practically have to run to catch you.  Let me guess you “men” bought Miller Light and some Yellow Tail chardonnay. Wal-Mart is calling you!!!!

Find? Return?

Bloody cat just jumped up on the sofa and started licking the butter off my muffin. Disgusting!  Cat slobber on my breakfast!  Now she looks like a dog that just ate a spoonful of peanut butter. She cannot stop licking and licking her mouth.  Hahahahaha

So, I get to the library and head to fiction and sure enough there was the book Artichoke’s Heart. I opened it up and flipped through the pages. I glanced up and around the aisles. Not a soul was watching. I tentatively reach my hand up inside the plastic sleeve and there I feel a piece of paper. It is stuck to the sleeve like it may be on a sticky note. I tugged. It came loose and I withdrew my hand. On the note neatly printed was this… find it in the return. I check the book out and head to the office.

Find it in the return? Return what? The key? The book? I have no idea. Nell shows up at the office to do a meds inventory with me and I launch into more of this mystery with her. She was with me when I found the key. She suggests we return the key in the morning and see if there is another clue at the post where we found it. 

I arrive at the park moments before Nell. We both get out and walk across the park trails about a mile to the spot where the key was at. There is nothing there. We both look around the post, at the post and nothing. She asks if I brought the note. I hand it to her. Maybe, she says slowly, you are supposed to return the book. Not at the book drop box but to a person in the library and maybe, they will have another note for you. Maybe….

I stopped by the library before hitting the office and she took the book, smiled at me and asked if I enjoyed it. Yes?.... She smiled. Do you have anything for me? No Ma’am the computer shows you returned the book. Thank you.

Well what should I return??   Bloody Hell!!! Anyone have any idea? What does this mean?

Noah Sarke

The key was upright in the post. Stabbed into the grain of the wood; erect as a flagpole. Hard to spot if you did not know about it as the fat, black, head of the key was not facing the parking lot. All your eye saw was the landscape; the perpendicular trees and tall grass behind it, blending together and hiding the key in plain sight. 

I knew it was there.  I had been told about it in a letter that came to me.  I must at this moment assume that the name Noah Sarke is not a real name, not a true identity. But the letter is real, the key is real.  

The key is a golden brassy color.  Average in appearance, it is not shiny bright as though it was new, neither is it tarnished or mystifying me with a patina finish. It is just a key, a key that could open any number of things, a lock, a door, a locker maybe nothing.  I am to take the key and go to the library and check out a book called “Artichoke's Heart”.  Inside the sleeve will be another letter.

It is with mixed emotions that I am embarking on this adventure. Curiosity is what drives me.  I have no idea where my fear has gone. It seems to have deserted me. That alone should cause me a moment of pause.

Who has done this? If I mix up the letters in the name Noah Sarke will I find the answer?  Why did I open a letter from someone I did not know? I was expecting an invitation to a Bridal Shower and thought this might be it. The envelope was creamy and contained what I believed to be the invitation.  The return address says R.E. Pose 529 Genesis, Gentry Texas.

I will go to the Library and look for this book. 

Presidential Attorney

Dear People who are also ghost hunting. Let me point out that you can NOT have a black and white photograph of a man born in 1687. You just can’t. Oh wait…. the Aliens that had the crystal skulls took the photo right?

                                                                                

Photo of James Francis Frame 1687-1754

There she was all geared up with expensive running shoes, wind shorts, tank, fanny pack and water bottle walking down the street not 2 feet from the sidewalk.  I found that bizarre. But, what I saw next was even stranger. She leapt up on the sidewalk, started a jog, took 4 strides then hopped back off the sidewalk and cut across the street at a diagonal about 15 feet from the intersection and started off jogging over a very lumpy gassy area by the street.  Pick a direction, pick a surface and get to it sister.

Little man in the little truck that is jacked up about 6 feet off the ground….really?? You needed to make a left turn, swinging all the way over into the far right lane to make a quick loop back to your left to get to a location immediately to your left? Uh…. Why not just turn into the lane closest to you which would have been the left lane and make your turn from there. Why all the theatrics?

My daughter and 3 friends invaded my home at about 2 this morning saying they were camping overnight and heading for the beach the next day. Oh yeah and can I leave the dogs with you mom? Uh…NO! Thanks Mom, wake us up early. Be back on Tuesday. They were gone by the time I got back from my morning hike. Now I have to leave 2 dogs and cat in my home for 5 hours and remember to lock up the trash, close the doors to the guest room and leave no food out for the dogs. Gucci is even now hiding under a chair and Isis is staring at me from beside the front door. Goblin has been complaining and grumbling at me in his irritated cat voice. My child has called me from the road twice now to tell me that her car keeps dying. They are pulling into an Auto Zone to have it looked at.  Her adventure is fast becoming my adventure.

I have a very distant relative who lived in Virginia and guess who his attorney was in a lawsuit filed by a neighbor accusing him (my relative) of adultery. Here is a hint…he was fresh out of law school, eager, energetic and acquainted with my family.  Another hint….. The year was 1768. One last hint…. He was our family attorney for several suits, petitions and appearances. Ok …. One more hint…. He won and counter-sued the neighbor for slander and won that also. 

                                                                    Thomas Jefferson as Secretary of State, Portrait by Charles Willson Peale, 1791

Thomas Jefferson! Yep! The man who became president was my people’s attorney. Because that is who we are!  The details of the case were plainly written in Jefferson’s own hand and preserved for all to read about. That is a little embarrassing because the neighbor described what he saw and experienced in great detail. I mean explicit detail right down to the wet (this part was marked out and was removed and smeared). Did he really put his hand on it?

Ladies, word of warning. Do NOT let young teenaged widowed brides live in your home. You too could lose your man and good ol’ Thomas is not here to represent you.

Cheers!