Bug Battle

Most of these letters I want to start out with; so there I was minding my own business when….

Because yes, contrary to what most of you believe, stuff just happens.

I walked into my kitchen the other night and there sitting on the counter was a cockroach the size of a minivan. Now I realize I live in the tropical jungle of Texas and this should be just a normal occurrence as these monsters are very common here. But it still freaks me out. They do not die easily and they are fast, very fast, super freaky fast. They also tend to charge what is attacking them.

 I scream and it all becomes some sort of berserker warrior mayhem. It has been sprayed with a good coating of poison and is trapped under the can I sprayed it with. I have not wanted to deal with it yet. On another occasion I did this and days later the monster was not dead and charged me when I moved the can. 

There I was swinging a broom around my dining room like I had a claymore and was killing Vikings, slamming the floor with it as I shoved chairs out of my way.

I was attacked by fire ants the next day as I sat outside at the hospital. The back of my knee was bitten as I was driving. Then another bite on my thigh and then of course I feel like they are all over me when I realize I am wearing a skirt and BLOODY HELL what if they are all over/under my skirt and I am now caught up in traffic all of us moving at mach 2 down the highway. I could not just slam on the brakes and stop. The bite under my knee was the size of an egg and the one on my thigh was starting to burn and what is that stinging sensation around my waist?

I walked into my kitchen this morning and there is one of those large beetles again. He is now outside.

I put my hand down on the couch bolster just now to lean over and turn on the lamp when I realize there is an odd shape shadow that should not be there. As soon as the lamp comes on I move my hand and there crouched on the bolster is a wolf spider. Adrenalin surged and “crash!!!” I was very awake. My hand was inches (2) away from a wolf spider. Yes they bite. He is dead. I want to move!!! Away to California where there are no bugs. Or Maine, are there bugs in Maine? Scotland maybe, do they have bugs?

I now know more about liver transplants than I ever wanted to know. Nomie received a call Saturday morning that a liver became available and he and Jimi drove up to San Antonio. I drove over to the hospital and Acy and her family were down from Oklahoma for her sister’s graduation and as soon as they could drove up also. Surgery went well; he only went through 6 bags of blood which is below normal. The liver was producing bile less than 10 hours out of surgery, this is also good. His color is good, his blood pressure is good. This morning he goes back into surgery to have all the drains removed and will come off of the breathing machine. I will go check in this evening. Since they only perform transplants and other specialties the hospital is very quiet and vacant. Almost eerie. The staff is calm and good humored a pleasant change from most hospitals. Of course there was a downside which almost had me gone. While the group in the room pre-surgery was all excited and filled with joy somewhere a family was grieving. I just could not bring myself to celebrate.  The liver was late arriving because the family was having a difficult time letting go and saying good-bye.  But not everyone in the room knew that at the time. They probably never will. I do. Acy does. She has been in their shoes also. The goofy kid she was has turned into an amazing woman. Over the past few days I have seen several of her many sides. She is faceted, like a diamond and she sparkles even in the midst of stress.

I am off to mail a letter.

Cheers

Where's Stan?

Did anyone else have trouble locating Stan Lee during Iron Man 3? 

Well I never spotted him so to help you all out I will tell you where you will see him. In the scene where Tony hi-jacks the radio signal; Stan is in the crowd and holds up a 10 sign, I missed it.  I remember it now that I know where he was and I got the tip from a Marvel Comic junkie. 

For those of you who are not, Stan Lee is an American comic book writer, editor, publisher, media producer, television host, actor, voice actor and former president and chairman of Marvel Comics. (I copied that straight off of Wikepedia, I am lazy today.) He has appeared in all three Iron Man movies, all the Spiderman movies, Thor and X-Men and more.  It is part of the allure of watching a Marvel Comic film. Where’s Stan? Like watching a Steven King, M.Knight Shyamalan film, where are they?

I am taking my mother to the commissary this morning. Always fun for me because I get to see men in flight suits, hubba hubba! She always has on her list some illusive product recommended by Dr. Oz. Is he really a doctor? She is funny about it, but some day she may actually find the product of her dreams.

Nothing exciting on our walk yesterday; even the homeless creeper guy has vanished. Not unhappy about that. I have been taking my camera in case though, probably why we have seen nothing. Hahaha

I have been listening to belly dance music on Pandora. The beats are exotic, ever changing and it incorporates some tribal fusion sounds, Africa, Asia and Celtic. They have taken the music of Led Zeppelin, 3 Doors Down, Matchbox 20 and others and turned them tribal. It is a good groove. They also have taken traditional Middle Eastern music and break it down so it is Dub step. There is even one piece that is a lesson and a guy narrates the elements of Dub step. They also play Punjabi featuring Jay-Z.

My daughter had her dogs here over the weekend and now there is enough white dog fuzz all over in clumps around my house to make another dog.  Everywhere I look! I have vacuumed 3 times and will have to vacuum another 42 times to get it all, I am even going to have to vacuum the couch both my chairs and wash every pillow and blanket in the house. It is everywhere!

Time to squeeze the oranges!

Coral Snake

Nora and I were taking our normal morning hike through Crescent Bend yesterday when all of a sudden she says snake. We both stopped. I looked to where she was pointing and sure enough there it was. Snake, a beautiful snake, in colors that seemed unreal they were so vibrant and unnatural. 

I have seen the browns and greys and tawny shades of rattlesnakes, ball pythons and red boas. But the reds and yellows nestled against the black stripes on this guy were stunning. Red and yellow, something about that triggered a memory of a warning. I relaxed as I tried to remember. The first line came readily to my mind as it is the most important part of the rhyme.

Red Touch Yellow - Kills a Fellow

Red Touch Black - Venom Lack

Yellow Touches Red - Soon You'll Be Dead

Red Touches Black - Friend of Jack

What we had happened upon was a Texas Coral snake. I said the line out loud; Nora and I took a step back. The snake that had slithered to the side of the pavement stopped when we stopped. Nora got out her phone to snap a photo.  As she was getting it an SUV rumbled down the road and slowed as he neared us and our refusal to move to the edge of the pavement. The snake must have been able to feel the vibrations of the large vehicle and he decided to retreat so. Into the grass and toward the forest he went. The vehicle stopped and a man climbed out to have a look at the snake I had called a Coral snake. “Yep, red touch yellow kills a fellow; it is a Coral snake alright.” He walked right up within 2 feet of the animal. Nora and I had only braved to about 4 feet. The old man told us he had seen two other Coral snakes at various places in the park.

 This one was about 2feet long. He got away before Nora got the photo and we were not about to follow him into the tall grass. Of course now I was curious about Coral snakes. I had only seen them in a zoo. It seemed to me that the one I wild had more vibrant color. Maybe it was the overcast sky, maybe there was no glass between us, maybe it was heightened vision on my part, and maybe it was just a healthier specimen who ate his natural prey. Which was…? What?  Shall we discover together?

What we ventured upon was a Micrurus tener  or Texas coral snake. They average about 2 feet. Coral snakes are elusive and tend to nestle under dead dry leaves or underground. They do come out after rain or during mating season. It had been raining all weekend. Coral snakes are venomous with small fangs either in the front of their moths that are hollow. These fangs are very short and usually cannot penetrate leather. They feed on smaller snakes, lizards, and frogs. Unlike vipers who strike and retreat a Coral snake will hold on to its victim. They are non-aggressive and are not prone to biting. They have one of the most potent venoms of any North American snake. But only 15-25 bites are recorded annually. The venom contains a powerful neurotoxin that paralyzes breathing muscles and respiratory failure will occur within hours.

Well, now we know. We are not on their diet and they prefer to run than fight.

On a different adventure I went to see Iron Man 3. I laughed and laughed. There were many funny parts. As I was laughing and having a good time at one point near the beginning of the film the entire audience as one unit turned to look at me. PEOPLE!!!! It is a movie, it was meant to be funny. It comes from a comic book!!!! Comic – from the Greek word kōmikós -  meaning characterized by comedy, provoking laughter, humorous, funny.

It is not a reality show!!!! It is joyously, wonderfully, irrationally a MOVIE!!!! I love it!

Onward to golf tournament door prizes today.

What is on your agenda?

Bow Shot

I thought I would be so smart and leave my nephews address in my office and address his letters there and mail them the next morning. Like most of my plans that is not how it happens. So, I have not mailed a letter in a week. New strategy session for next week.

I also failed to get a blog written this week for Artz Council. But then again, if I was supposed to get it done it would have been done.

In the meantime I go on a trip to McD for a night of comfort food and low and behold another traffic related incident occurs. A red car pulls in, an SUV pulls in and I pull in. The red car stops in the middle of the drive through approach and stops nowhere near a door or the order screen. The SUV then slams on their brakes, which causes me to come to an abrupt stop. The fanny end of Charles is now hanging out in the road with on-coming cars barreling down the street.   We wait, and wait and wait. I assume someone was getting out but no one does so we wait some more. As I am about to call in an air strike I decide to first attempt to fire a warning shot from the bow. 

I smash down on my horn; still no action from the red car.  A door opens and I ask Samuel to hold on the air strike. A leg, a body gets out and then leans back into the car.  She then gets back out and struts over to the RedBox video vending machine. Once she is at the box the red car drives forward. REALLYY??????  The driver orders, pulls forward pays and then stops short of the window. We all now sit again and wait for the red car to move.  I re-call Samuel and after a brief description of the car approve the airstrike and BAM!!!!!  Mischief managed.

This morning I get up feed the cats, read my devotions and do a dream interpretation while drinking a cup of tea. As I am preparing for my morning walk at Crescent Bend one of the bloody cats pukes on my bed and on my skirt that was lying on the bed. REALLYY????

I have a meeting in an hour. Gotta go!

Mud Sheeple

Yesterday I ventured out to a movie. I saw Mud.

 I had never heard of this movie but I like Matthew McConaughey so I decided to give it a go. 

Good movie. However, (I bet you knew there was a problem)  I get there about 5 minutes before the movie is scheduled to start and there is no First Look playing or any advertising.  I have been to enough movies to realize that this is a problem. There are 14 people sitting in their seats grazing on their food either oblivious or uncaring or over trusting. 

There is not even sound playing. It is weird. I look around and wonder who will be the first to get up and handle the situation should the need arise. There are 7 men and 7 women including me. Not one person is being vocal about the lack of sound or adverts or movie. They are like sheep grazing along the edge of the cliff. A guy in the row ahead of me pulls out his phone to text and I ask the time. The movie is now 10 minutes past start time.  He continues to text as if there is not a problem. (I had actually thought he would be the one to get up) I wait and watch no one gets up. 

So I say “Well, I suppose I will be the ONE” and I drift down the steps across the theater and out the door. People are starring, I am sure I shocked them with my outburst, not that I said it very load or forceful but it was more a look of “she just called the prosecutor a lecherous slut.” You know that look the crowd gives Katniss in Hunger Games when she takes her sisters place, that was the look. I find some theater people and ask if they are planning on starting the movie in auditorium 12. They look at each other and then at me. I take 4 determined steps toward them and they walk over to another employee. She will get it started now they say. I walk away and back into the auditorium. It is now 20 minutes beyond movie start time. I ask the guy the time and then say out loud “how long should I give them before I demand we all get free passes?” 5 minutes he says and another couple and a man laugh and say “yes 5 minutes”.  The sound comes on, no picture. I stand up, as I turn to get my purse the picture comes on and the movie starts.  If I had not taken action I wonder how long the sheep would have continued grazing.  Is this the norm for our world? People are content to accept the mediocre, the unacceptable, the action or lack of action in matters that concern them? They have paid a huge corporation about $15 each to entertain them and yet do nothing when the corporation fails to do what they were paid to do. Sheeple!

Right after I got home from the movie and was sipping on a glass of wine, I turned my phone back on and up popped a text from the president of HFP. Come help stuff bags. Good grief it was Tuesday night and I had planned to help. We stuffed about 700 bags with swag for the runners of our Doggie Dash. My car is now loaded down with broken down boxes. Anyone need boxes for a move?

I have business to conduct see you all later!

Hottest Bathroom

As I was driving to the office who should I see. Horatio! Yep there he was going full throttle toward the high school.

 Retrieving his child or was there something more sinister afoot? Death by pencil? Disgruntled cook poison the cream corn? Did the Principle finally loose his composure and strangle a student? Maybe the students had finally had all they could take of Miss Grumpy I am not happy with my life and neither will you be, otherwise known as Krackenetta cousin to the witches of OZ, except no magic power.  I must say I cannot blame them. I only had to tolerate her for a total of 5 times and my only thought was how much I wanted to throttle her. She has never heard of the words Be Nice being used together in the same sentence. EVER! She is peevish, aggressive, dismissive, and downright disagreeable.

I saw an article titled Hottest Bathroom Trends. 

Are these rooms hot? As in temperature? Are they hot as in they are so sexy let’s move the bed in here? Or is it hot as in this is a bloody cool room! Do you really care if a guest walks out of the room that houses your toilet and says ‘WOWSER!!! That is the hottest bathroom EVER!!!!  Can you just see your mom walk out slathering her hands with some Jo Malone hand lotion looking at you with an odd twinkle and say “Kevin that is the sexiest bathroom I have ever seen?” So that the next time you are in there all you can think about is how your mom said the word sex in conjunction with your toilet area.

 Now I admit I would love to have a stone enclosed shower area with no door, no curtain, a bench, and one of those rain making shower heads. 

Not because it is “hot” but, because it is less maintenance to keep clean. No shower curtain to wash, no shower door glass to unstreak or roller tracks for the glass door to scrub.

 Yep I am all about less work for me; at least until I am noticed by the Viscount and carried off to live in a castle in Spain or Austria and there is a staff. I want a staff. I need someone to follow me around and take notes of everything I notice so that I can remember it and write about it to you.

Last thing on my mind is for wiccan man. The people worshipping Christ and celebrating their Christian beliefs are not given tax payer funded Bibles. Those are given to them by fellow Christians.  You want your wiccan bible to celebrate your religion then have one of your wiccan friends bring you one. We the tax payers do not wish to fund your need for dragon blood either.

You want an oak tree so you can worship outside? Here is an acorn. Grow one! But have a friend bring it. Tax payers will not provide for it. Maybe one of the dragons you so desperately want blood from will drop one in the yard for you!

This quest of his for dragon blood has me now wanting to rescue all dragons everywhere from wiccan persecution.

Well, I have a meeting I need to prepare for.

Cheers!

Non-Paternal Event

Apparently, there is, to simplify this, a range of 1-10 inside the router that can be adjusted to spray out the signal on slightly different frequencies. 

 When you live in an apartment the chances of your signal crashing into other signals is about 109% because all routers come from the factory at the same setting.  This is what is happening to my internet signal. After talking with 8 people  one guy finally tells me what is going on. He asks the problem and I reply… I have a signal until about 8 in the morning when everyone around me wakes up and then the battle begins and I have to re-launch my signal. This goes on for about an hour. It happens again in the evening. At about the time people are waking or coming home or later before most people go to bed.  He laughs and then explains. There is nothing he can do but inside the router is a switch that the manufacturer can just chat to and change it. So I call them. I get a person in …… yep India. Now I do not have a problem with people having jobs all over the world but get off the bloody script!!! I am a human!!!!! Talk with me not at me!!!!

She reads her script in her pleasant voice and I, of course, go way off script. She repeats her script and reads it to me again. I stop her. She then has me hold. She gets back on and asks me if I have premium service. No! well then she will transfer me to a different department and then will discuss the cost of chatting with me. Uh…..NO! I have already paid for their inferior device and to pay again because it is inferior is wrong. She of course stayed right on script with the very appropriate “I understand your frustration ma’am.” Really??? No sunshine you do not!” I could tell this conversation was going NOWHERE.  She thanked me for calling and I laughed and hung up. They really wanted me to pay then $48 dollars to allow them to access my system to move a switch 1 point up or down. It would have taken all of 2 minutes at the most to do. Can they not tell me what to do? Can they not create a switch on the box we the consumer can get at? She also insulted my router by telling me it was so old she could not even find it in her system. Implying I should buy a new one because a new version comes out every 6 months. I suppose I should shave my head every time some emotionally disturbed superstar does too!

Dear Shoey …I must have been in the bathroom cleaning and had the water running or the sweeper on. I never heard you knock. So in the bliss of motherhood that has been raising you. I forgive your rude phone message and the sarcastic “love you” that you tossed at it right before you hung up. My favorite part of your message was the “what-ev” .

While ghost hunting yesterday I came across a DNA website for my Carden clan and I enjoyed all the “non-paternal” events that caused some Carden DNA to not match up on some of the participants. So that could mean several things. All of which are intriguing. I wonder if either my uncles have participated in a DNA study? Or would?

Well I have photos to get off to my editor.

Cheers!