Elliot or RAW

I just found an email I had been sent from online pharmacy with the subject line that says… use your new penis as long as you like…

WHAT THE HELL???

I do not have one of those, nor do I want one. How did this slip through my heavily guarded castle doors? It should have gone to spam land not my inbox.

Mother lives on what she calls the Texas floor of her building. I suppose because it has a few Fiesta Posters that makes it so. Or maybe it is the Fiesta floor. My father bought a painting while we lived in France that he fell in love with. It is a corner of a city street done in oils. It is mostly dark with splashes of red and yellow and shutters in a bright green. It appears to have been painted from the view through a rain splashed window. Mother hung this painting in the hall leading to her door. She decided one day she wanted the painting in her home not in the hall so she had been looking for a Texas themed replacement. I had a painting done by a friend of hers hanging in my powder room of a live oak tree and bluebonnets. There is no room in my new home for this painting so I suggested giving it back to her. I brought it over last night and as I am walking down the hall with it and a little old lady stops me and says “I’ll buy it right now how much?” huh??? I stop and smile. She again says “I’ll buy it right now how much?” It is not for sale it belongs to my mother. She smiles and says as she totters off “If you change your mind….” 

Several more feet down the hall on my way to the elevator I come across a herd of about 9 people of assorted ages and they all just stop and stare; some stopping in mid-sentence and all at the same time causing me a small amount of distress. Is my shirt inside out, my pants on backwards, a bird nesting in my hair, a snake wrapped around my neck? I smile and give them a cheerful “Good Evening” and walk on. A few mumbled hi and hello but they still were staring. I round a corner and head straight for a mirror I must have applied my lipstick to my forehead, a bugger is dropping from my nose, something is amiss. No I look fine, normal, nothing freakishly out of place.

When I get to Mothers home she is sitting outside in the setting sun warming up because she is freezing. The temperature in her home is 84. She decides later as we are trying to find law and order on the TV that RAW wrestling is the open scenario for her show, that they are setting the stage for a murder in the locker room. 

NO Mother this is wrestling. She was actually arguing with me. As she went to her room in search of the schedule I flip the channel over to the real law and order. She notices the change when she comes back and asks if I have decided to watch something else. I giggle (silently in my head) as Elliot appears on screen and she is startled, but recovers quickly and says “that must have been one of those other detective shows.” Ok Mom.

I had read yesterday in a religious leader’s blog as he was trying his best to help his readers cope and understand the shootings in Aurora. He said people make choices to do evil. GOD abhors evil. It occurred to me later that morning as I was trying to wrap my head around his not so inspiring comments that he made GOD sound like he was unaware of what was about to happen and what did happen. GOD who created everything including the way a dog wags its tail upon our returning home that then causes us to smile and love the dog and then we pet the animal and scratch its ears which cause the animal to become fonder of us. This GOD was not unaware. This incident did not surprise him. He made GOD sound like Zeus who sits on Mount Olympus with no concern for the plight of men. I believe this religious leader has a different GOD than I do. I will not stop following his blog because sometimes he has some interesting insights.

That is all I will say about that.

I was in whole foods yesterday checking out with my assortment of exotic cheeses when a manager was announcing a phone call for produce. I had been listening to him all through the store paging and announcing.  He sounded like the caller at a race track. You know the voice that says Lucy Bell is coming up on the outside; Frankenbeen has dropped back behind Fluffybum who is in the lead, yeah that guy. I told him this and he laughed and said yes I try, sometimes it feels like I am calling a race. …and it’s produce on the inside, wine and beer right behind, here comes floral making her move in the turn……

Lady Tamara  www.HighlandTitles.com has more boxes to move downstairs. What are you moving?

Upgraded What?

I am sitting at my desk this morning working early because I have many adventures scheduled for today and I keep hearing noises downstairs. After the first mild crash I assume it is the cats. Not sure what they are into but everything is packed so it must be mischief with a ball or faux mouse. Then another crash and a thump and I am intrigued are they Unpacking, is there a Burglar, are they rummaging through the trash, cleaning up the kitchen and then I hear the crinkling, crackling of a plastic bag.  Scarlet believes plastic bags are for peeing on so I go rushing down the stairs. She jumps as far from the bag as she can and stares me down with eyes that are now larger than her face. Sure enough there is a bag lying on the floor of the living room with a knot tying it together. I am puzzled. I pick it up and untie it expecting a snake or rat or terrifying creature of some sort to lunge at me. In the bottom of the bag is a gallon Ziploc baggie with dog food in it. I keep a little dog food on hand for when Lovey comes by and brings Isis my four legged granddaughter for a visit. I keep it up on a high shelf in the laundry room. Scarlet will eat Isis food while she is here. I assume out of some sort of anti-dog vengeance thing. I free feed my cats so she has food all the time. But today she went in and up after Isis food. It is now on the top shelf of the pantry. What on Earth prompted her today to do this? Hmmmmm…..

The apartment I am scheduled to move into called me Friday afternoon to tell me I could not move in on Saturday.( I had not planned to move in on Saturday) There was an unexpected issue that came up with the apartment. They scheduled me for July 28 (unknown to me until yesterday).  She said I could look at the apartment on Tuesday. I agreed to the afternoon. My daughter was coming with me and as I was talking to my Mother she decided to come along as well. I had been trying to call them all day and there was no answer. Mother and I decided to go on over and drove in to town and picked up Shoey. We arrive at the complex and there is a sign posted on the door be back at 3. We go entertain ourselves for a while and come back. April, we shall call her April says they have not yet cleaned the carpet. Come back in an hour. Not believing this for a minute we leave on another unscheduled adventure and return. As if they will have cleaned over 1300 sq.ft. in less than an hour and have it ready for me to view. Well I must say I was not disappointed. I was supposed to be moving into an upgraded apartment. I am convinced the upgrade happened in 1987. Here is what we saw. Foundation had shifted. Carpets were stained and worn and no amount of cleaning could rescue them. They were old, very old. The sinks were chipped and repaired. Light fixtures were missing. Bare wires were exposed and she told me they had no intention of repairing them. It was to have all black appliances (part of the upgrade I was paying for) and the dish washer was white. The walls I was told had been painted.  (When in 1992?) The floor boards in the kitchen had been replaced with 2x4s that appeared only days old and were unpainted. It was a mess. The entire place reeked of wet dog, rotting wood, mildew and who knows what else. Smells that will never go away. It needs new carpet or floors. Shoey says No Mom! Mother Says NO also. So….. today starts apartment hunting for Lady Tamara www.LochaberHighlandEstates.com  take 2. With 12 days to find one. If the apartment was not ready and they had no intention of making it ready why let me look at it? Why tell me it was upgraded? She then said they were upgrading with new Glamour light fixtures. Not scheduled for my apartment though.

To top it all off while I was relaxing with Christian Bale as Batman Scarlet does the predator crouch and crawls across the living room her gaze locked on the wall beneath a window. That, I knew,  could mean only one thing. Spider. I jump up and sure enough a wolf spider the size of a tarantula is making its way toward a cluster of big black trash bags filled with most of the 38 pillows of assorted sizes I own. That are staged and ready to move. I ran for the spray and we had an epic battle. I sprayed it ran. I sprayed some more it ran some more. Then he hesitated and I sprayed and slammed the can of bug killer down over him and let him stew in the poisonous juice. 

I know I am a Pirate Warrior Gypsy but I am going to confess right her and now. I am ..... never mind!

Need a beach fix....

Shall we go??

Frodo saw Aldebaran?

Apparently the unwillingness to obey a yield sign is at an epidemic proportion. No one yields and when I do the victim of my yield freaks out. They react with some kind of nervous anxiety. Looking in all directions, their eyes popping from the sockets they rest in, sweat beads on their foreheads. I smile and wave them on through. Yet still they hesitate. What is this place we live in?

It has finally gotten dark enough again in the early morning for me to enjoy my walks. It is still too hot but at least the sun is not appearing. I had the company of the moon and three stars, Venus, Jupiter and Aldebaran. The star Aldebaran is an Alpha Tauri which means it is a giant red star and is the eye of the constellation Taurus. 

It is an Arabic word meaning follower. It is 44.2 times the diameter of the sun and is 65.1 light years away.  Aldebaran is known in Hindu astronomy as one of the 27 daughters of Daksha and the wife of the god Chandra. There is a brief description of this star in the Lord of the Rings. It is on the night that Frodo, Sam and Pippin stay with the elf Gildor.  If you are up at 6 look to the east you will see them.

I get to take a peek at my new apartment on Tuesday. I am so excited. It will be a big day; Luncheon, Apartment, dinner with Mother and an afternoon with my favorite Shoe. I also have found the perfect shower curtain for the bath. You must all come visit me and check it out. Now I think I just need 2 more large boxes and I will be done.

I am calling 800 GOT JUNK today for them to relieve me of my sofa, love seat, table, 6 chairs and a desk. Do they pick up unwanted furniture? I guess I will find out.

My gardener is coming today so Lady Tamara  www.LairdOfLochaber.com must bring in the tool box she washed. Yes I washed a tool box. It was filthy and since I will no longer have a garage it needed to be clean and user friendly. Go ahead laugh! I now know what is in the boxes, Yes, boxes I have 2 tool boxes. Yes I am a girl! If you need the flathead screwdriver I know which box is it in. Wood glue,  5/8 crescent wrench, level, wood screws, finishing nails. Yeah I know where they are.

Look at me! I can chat about stars, Lord of the Rings and hand you a crescent wrench while making a batch of sugar cookies all at the same time. Home repairs will never be boring around me. Hey…. I could use this for a profile on MarryMe.com

Gotta go!

King Tut ate it

The last time Lovey came for a visit she brought a watermelon large enough to feed a family reunion of the Jones family, all of them. I have eating watermelon for days and still there is much. The nutritional value of the watermelon has me curious now so let us take a look shall we?

*Vitamin A – eye health and boosts immunity

*Vitamin B6 – Helps produce antibodies, maintain nerve function, form red blood cells, breaks down proteins

*Vitamin C – protect body from free radicles, bolster the immune system

*Potassium – necessary found for cell water balance

*Lycopene – protects cells from oxygen related damage (this is what makes the watermelon pink) It is a singlet oxygen scavenger. Singlet oxygen has a higher energy charge because outer orbital electrons are spinning in opposite directions. Singlet oxygen will attack and destroy cell membrane.

Watermelons should be heavier than they look and have a pale creamy colored side from where it sat on the ground to grow. It takes 3 months to grow a watermelon from seed to eat.

They are 92% water.

They were first recorded as a crop 5000 years ago in Egypt and are depicted on walls of ancient buildings. Watermelon seeds were found in the tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamen.

It is a cousin to cucumbers, squash and pumpkins.

There are over 200 varieties of watermelon.

China is the world’s number 1 producer of watermelons.

Texas is one of Americas leading producers of the juicy treat.

Well there we have it. I am eating it because it was eaten by Egyptian royalty.

Lady Tamara www.LairdOfLochaber.com is going for a bowl of watermelon care for some?

Dropping Candy

I had recently gone on an adventure with my daughter Lovey and my grandbaby Ems. We had entered a store that had hungry machines out front. Ems was immediately tempted by their bright colors. 

Red, blue, yellow were their shiny metal outer parts while inside their glass bubbles some shimmered with mini toy bubbles, fake silver and gold bling, cheerful round gumballs, tattoo flash, and what struck her fancy, pastel orbs of candy.

 She was mesmerized. She looked at her mom and asked once. Lovey did not hear her. Ems without hesitation caught my eye and looked again at the tempting treats and asked for candy. When Lovey’s older sisters were the same age as Ems their Grandma would as she called it “feed the machines” for them. PD liked to ride the horses and Shoe wanted tattoos. I decided then and there that was definitely on the Grandparent list of musts. I would feed machines for my grandchildren. The joy and pleasure this brought to my children was worth the 25 cents. I could tell this was not Ems first encounter with a machine. I put the quarter in and slowly turned the knob. The candy spilled into the door and after I opened it tumbled into my hand. She could barely contain her excitement.

 As usual she popped one into her mouth right away and grabbed one in each hand. The rest I placed in her lap. We had not walked 12 steps before she had all the little candies in one had. She wanted to hold them. After she finished those she wanted more. When we leave I said. On the way out the door some 30 minutes later Ems saw the machines and asked again. We went over and this time I had her help me. We put the coin in and turned the knob. The candy spilled into the door; I placed her hand under it and told her to catch them. I opened the door and the first little pale pink piece tumbled out into her hand. Her desire for the candy, the need to have it right then obliterated her patience and what I had told her. She closed her fist around it moving it closer to her and upon opening her hand and seeing it; joy lit up her face like the sun. I froze. As she popped the long awaited for treasure into her mouth she saw the rest of the candy fall to the floor from where I was still holding the door. Her face now reflected the panic and tragedy that flashed through her. She looked at me, her mom the candy and hesitated only a moment before diving for the tiny pieces. We both said “NO” but again her desire was greater and she reached for a piece. I stopped her hand and her eyes welled up with tears.  What has me thinking  is… how many times during a day do we set up our goals, go out on the quest for them, reach and grab one only to find that in our impatience and desire to get what we want we grab the first one and most of the time we watch the rest fall away. If we had only been patient a moment longer, kept calm, put our immediate desires aside we may have reaped a bounty.  Sometimes there is only one round brilliant gumball but sometimes there is a handful of pastel sweet candy waiting for us to hold out our hand and take them. Little victories to savor.  I put another coin in and this time let the candies fall into my hand. Did she learn anything, maybe and maybe not? Do we?

Lady Tamara  www.HighlandTitles.com has a golf committee meeting to prepare for. If you are interested in sponsoring a hole or a tee or putting together a team let me know. Want to donate a silent auction item? Or the best of all marketing opportunities put some propaganda swag in our bags let me know.

Ernest Wobble

It is raining this morning. I am happy beyond belief. I love the rain. I cannot go for my morning walk again today so I started thinking of alternative ideas. Yesterday I could not go because of rain so I went looking on Pandora for V.I.C and some Wobble, WOBBLE (thank you Ernest for reminding about this song)

great beats and rhythms for moving and dancing. I turned my parlor into a club and wobbled and danced for over 30 minutes, Thank you Pandora and V.I.C.  In California my Mantoy would dine with me and my girls often and after dinner we would take walks. On the evenings it would rain we would have to get creative with our walks and usually ended up at one of several grocery stores pacing up and down aisles and around the store. Those are some of my dearest memories of California. Time spent with Mantoy walking.

Dude!!! I do not care that you are insecure and must drive around in the biggest dually truck you can buy, those large red and white triangle signs that say yield, do in fact apply to everyone but YOU!!!!  

Yes I am driving a huge car and can slam on my brakes and stop on a dime. No worries. I am sure you would approve that being done to your mother, 

grandmother, wife, sister, and daughter.  

All men should treat all women with that sort of courtesy especially your women. Your mom would be so proud; your daughter will look for an oaf just like you. I am honored to have been on the road with you. Or….can you tell me your wife was about to deliver her first babe and you were distracted and trying to get to the hospital? Did your 6 year old son attempt to be Spiderman 

and crawl from the window of your two story house and break his arm and again you were careening toward the hospital? Your 16 year old daughter just announced she was pregnant and you were trying to get to young man about to become a father unwillingly to end his life?

Lady Tamara www.LochaberHighlandEstates.com has a ribbon cutting and a luncheon meeting to prepare for. Have a beautiful day. Maybe a walk twice around the mall…..leave purse at home…hahaha

IHOP by the highway

I like cereal. I like many different cereals depending on my mood. It could be Count Chokula, Frankenberry, Captain Crunch, Applejacks, or any of the whole grain mixed with fruits or nuts kinds. We never finish a box of cereal here because about half way through we are bored with it. We also do not eat only cereal. We eat oatmeal and grits, biscuits, cake and tacos. The best solution to this is the variety packs of single serving. But I do not like all of those so, some get never eaten and thrown out. I realize they probably put the most popular brands in the packs but I do not usually like what is popular. I would love to be able to personalize my Kellogs, Post and General Mills variety packs.

 Customize it if you will.

 One day have the Banana Nut Crunch the next Cocoa Puffs, Breakfast taco day and then Raisin Bran. 

There is a half-eaten box of Cocoa Pebbles in my pantry that will never be eaten because the Cocoa Puffs are fresher. Am I alone in this cereal suffering?

It is raining and I am full of bliss.

Saturday was dinning out day. We woke up to my daughter Lovey wanting sausage, bacon, eggs, biscuits and gravy for breakfast. I do not have all of that here so she opted for Jims. Where she did indeed order the entire above plus grits which I ate. Mmmmm Later that afternoon her Grandmother called and asked us to meet her at IHOP for dinner she wanted to take us out. IHOP Rolling Oaks or IHOP Forum I asked? Rolling Oaks she said. So we arrived and sat and ordered drinks. Five o’clock came and went and still no Grandmother. I called her and she said she was at the IHOP by the highway. They are both by the highway…haha . So we paid for our drinks and headed out to find her. We had a delightful time and when asked about her boyfriend Lovey said she was shopping and had several. I thought Grandmother was going to choke but she simply paused with her mouth hung open and then stated that it was a brilliant idea and she should continue to shop until she found the right one. She then decided that if she was ever going to go to a club it would be to see men dancing and Lovey had to go with her. She then practiced saying “Come here young man” in a seductive way. Our waiter was enchanted by our laughter and fun as was the manager and the rest of the staff who all kept watching as we giggled and squealed with delight at our clever comments.

Sunday morning I awoke to my nephew asleep on my couch. Only I did not know it was him. I just saw a set of man legs and big feet hanging over the end of the love seat. 

As 11 rolled around I discovered that I not only had a granddaughter and 2 daughters in my home but also 2 young men. My home had once again become a flop house. They decided on breakfast tacos and off to the store they went. I was ghost hunting and chattering with Em when they came home and announced their arrival. OK! “Mom we are here with the taco stuff.” Ok! A little while later, “Mom the taco stuff is here!” OK! “ Mom don’t you want to see what we bought?” OK! I go down stairs and everyone is sitting around the table reading the paper the taco stuff on the counter. Oh I get it…haha they wanted me to cook it. They bought enough for 12 people I will be eating breakfast tacos for days!

 Did they jump up and do the dishes? NO So as I slowly cleaned the kitchen I thought up chores I needed done and randomly assigned each flopper one. I got more done that way I will remember that!

Lady Tamara www.LairdOfLochaber.com now has to get the laundry started I have massive amounts of bed linens to wash. I hope the rain comes down hard enough to wash away the dust on Charles. What are you washing away today?

Mom is 80!

Today is Mothers 80^th birthday. 

She has plans to visit with some dear friends over lunch and attend her water aerobics class. She lives at a place where retired military officers, their wives, widows and widowers gather. Former Marines, Naval officers, Army and Air Force, many of these people are friends or have been stationed together at various places. They share some things in common. Mother has been invited to join a few and their cliques for meals. She claims she feels inadequate and uneducated. “Not smart” are her words and can contribute nothing witty to the conversations. She usually will not join them again. It is a wee bit sad to me, like watching your child go out and play and be rejected by other children.  Except she rejects them with an excuse that she is not smart enough to keep up and usually greets everyone but stays to herself. She does not drink so she is different. She is very very involved in her church so she is different. She does not have the same experiences as some of these people but she has experiences. She has mentioned to me on more than one occasion these past few weeks about how she feels. So my brother and I spent some time yesterday rehashing some ancient adventures from our point of view that caused her to have memories of adventures from her point of view, things she had forgotten.  She perked up a bit remembering that she had experiences too.  She admires that I can converse with just about anyone on any subject and keep up my end of the conversation. She wonders at how I know so many things knowing that I do not read the paper or pay attention to news channels. She recalls that school was a walk in the park for me and laments that I did not try harder knowing I could do better. How do I explain that sometimes grasping a concept fully and beyond the intended lesson and realizing no one else has is terrifying and makes me feel like a freak of nature? I would find myself ahead of the class and lesson and stop. My reply sent her head spinning and I could tell she was thinking she has known me all my life and yet does not know me. I have realized she does not even feel comfortably smart enough around me. I remembered that this is not the first time she has implied this.  Mother!  All this lack of self-confidence from the woman who was graduating college, involved with several on campus clubs, Queen of the May, planning her wedding, and who sewed her own lace covered wedding gown with a cathedral train

 and hand covered in satin about 82 tiny buttons. 

This from the woman who disobeyed dorm regulations and snuck out to watch my dad play basketball during the college championships and stayed overnight at the away game location instead of returning to the dorm while being dorm president!  These are some of the adventures that resurfaced yesterday. Happy Birthday Mom you have some great experiences!

Lady Tamara www.LairdOfLochaber.com is off to deliver a trunk full of treasure to her local Goodwill.

Fountain of Letters

Has anyone else seen the paper adverts on yahoo? I have seen two of them and the one about the paper pusher bust had me laughing out loud for a while. They are warm and a bit quirky and I enjoyed them. I followed their link to their website and to their facebook page where I proceeded to like them and I left them a message telling them how much I enjoyed the advert about the pusher. Do you know what happened next? They sent me a message back thanking me for my comments. I love it when a company interacts back with me.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=2599487232828&set=vb.168462923165027&type=2&theater

I love paper. I am not alone in this. There is an immense pleasure in holding a book, reading a book, turning the page and feeling that very slight or sometimes intense tingle of anticipation. Will the chapter end? Will I have to put it down to go clean the litter box like I promised myself I would?  Do I get at least four more pages until I have to go unload the dishwasher? Does she fire the gun? Will he kiss her? Did the bullet hit the dog?

 Sometimes the book is not that good, interesting, alluring; sometimes you just want to put it down and move on to some other adventure. I cannot do that. I must trudge on hanging on to the hope that it will get better. That I will find a character I care about. I started it, I will finish it. I will confess it took me 6 months to read through an Anne Rice book. I was in agony. I just wanted to walk away. Leave the book for some other lover of her writing at my local Goodwill store. Pick up something else and begin anew. I finished it and have not read another; LOVED the movie Interview with a Vampire though.

Not only books, letters, I love letters; the whole process of writing it, addressing the envelope, sealing it, stamping it and dropping it in the post box. When I was younger, before my teen years I wrote letters to friends and my cousin. As a young teenager I had a horse and that was my passion but after we moved and I did not get another horse I went back to writing to my dearest friends.

They seldom responded but I wrote anyway, then to my grandmothers and occasionally aunts and uncles, parents and in-laws and one great uncle. I had boxes of stationary. Different patterns and colors and sizes depending on my mood, what I had to write about or even who it was being written to. Some of it was scented. I enjoyed the feel of the paper as I folded it, the way it sounded as my pen glided across the paper. Turn it over or not turn it over and continue writing? I enjoyed receiving letters just as much however I seldom did.  I remember I could not wait to grow up and graduate from the ball point pen I had to use to the fountain pens my parents and grandmother used. Having ink stains on my fingers and blotches of ink on my letters. 

I have fountain pens now and baskets of note cards and no one to write to. It seems they all want quick messages and texting. No time in their lives for sitting and writing and still no responses to the letters I do send out. I might as well put them in a bottle and drop them into the sea. I will have the satisfaction of writing and will not expect a reply and will therefore avoid the devastating crush of believing no one cares for me. Silly but it is rejection and it does hurt.

Pinterest is fun but I miss cutting photos and images out of magazines and pasting them onto sketch paper in notebooks and creating a story board that brings me visual pleasure.  Since I am moving I have tossed all the magazines I hoard for this purpose and experienced an emotional loss. I laughed at myself. Why am I not doing things that bring me immense pleasure? I create amazing collages that tell stories you can walk into and stimulate the imagination bringing a world of possibilities into play.  Maybe my guest room in my new home should instead be transformed into an office/study/library….mmmm

Speaking of that I am moving in 11 days and yet have to see my apartment which has been vacant for a couple weeks but the last tenant left some items and management tells me that they could not go in and do anything until the first of the month. The anticipation is killing me!!

Lady Tamara www.HighlandTitles.com is reading a novel and wants to get back to it.

Have a wonderful day!