How?

I am sure by now you may believe I have been avoiding you. That is true in part but I have also been somewhat precluded from writing. 

The wind has been violently blowing, yet I have furled my sails.  Adrift and buffeted by the careless, hurtful remark of that one person I know will say these things and still since we all should view our mothers as home port I attempt to stay the course. Not that I feel drawn to her because she is the mother but more out of a sense of duty. But where, I have wondered these past days, does her duty to me lie? This verse, a commandment from GOD has been part of my childhood mantra since I can remember. “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.”

Does this mean I am to allow her to say cruel, thoughtless things and say nothing? Watch her conspire with evil and do nothing? Stand by as she listens to the deceitful rumblings of a creature controlled by selfish and evil motives based on his own fears?  Do I challenge her statement and ask for clarification?  Or, do I maintain a faith in a GOD who lets nothing happen to me that has not first fallen from HIS hands? Is this a test? Will Tamara be quiet, because calm I am not, and let this play out according to MY better plan? I am a captive of my own faith, a prisoner in this cloud of confusion.  My compass is hidden and I am lost in foggy doldrums.  I want to scream out at the injustice. Did Jesus scream about the injustice done Him on the cross?  I will keep this in the foreground of my thoughts; that GODs plan for me is far better than any plan wicked or good they could conjure.

I am driving her to a physician today for testing. This will take 5 hours out of my day. It is also Tuesday and we are having our normal Tuesday evening dinner. How shall I get through this? It has been a week and I am fighting a burning desire to confront her with the cruel words she imparted to me the last time we met. These words and thoughts backed up and affirmed in agreement with her from the person who you all would call my brother. Is this what my father intended? I doubt it. I wish ….. Never mind….

Pray for me as I go today.