Adventures through ER

I would like to interrupt this reminiscing about Mississippi for a moment to tell you about the last few days of my life.

Monday night we took Odessie to the ER. We got there at 9. We were triaged at 10. At about 1:45 AM we were taken to a room. In storms the nurse, Steve, he informs us he hates midgets, clowns and cannot stand people with beards. Glad we are women, beardless, over 5’10” tall and dressed in our pajamas. He is quite insane. He tells us he is a certified diver. He later tells us is was a Navy Seal. He later tells us was paratrooper and has well over 112 jumps. He tells us he was Special Forces. He tells us he has dated Super Models in Europe. He was married for 3 months. He let his wife have the dog. He has a son in Holland. He lives on a ranch that costs over 10 million dollars. Each time he comes into the room he has a fantastic tale. He falls in love and out of love with Odessie about 24 times. He tells us he cannot wait to get off shift because he is going to visit the woman, whom he claims is his good friend, who burnt her house down and murdered her child.  As I said before he is insane. However, the time seems to pass quickly and he is entertaining and Odessie is laughing through her fear and pain. Before we realize it the time has passed and it is now about 4 AM. The doctor makes it in and decides it is a UTI. However she does not have the telltale symptom for that. SO …. He comes back to her room and orders some tests. Those come back and show something and he orders more tests. This is the first Doc in 5 ER visits to stop and listen to what she says. His hesitation is confirmed when the ultrasound test comes back showing an 8cm mass behind her uterus. PROBLEM!!!! He calls another hospital and requests a specialist. She is transferred.

The Doc comes to the hospital and reviews her test results. Next thing we know he is in her room telling her he has ordered emergency surgery and this will be major surgery not a small hole but making an incision in her abdomen. She freaks out but there is really no time. They prep her and move her to a gurney and wheel her to a surgical ward.  She is in surgery for about an hour when the Doc comes out to tell me that she is fine and in recovery. However, her fallopian tube was black, dead and had twisted over itself 3 times. Her ovary was blackish red and enlarged and had moved in behind her uterus. The average size for an ovary is about walnut sized. Hers was large grapefruit sized. He removed the tube but when he removed the ovary it exploded in his hands and blood clots and bloody fluid went everywhere.  The other ovary was damaged. He repaired it. Her chances of having another baby are slim. Had this exploded in her there would have been an entire different set of complications.

Now, move several hours forward. She gets a roommate. An insane one. This woman has visitors and they chat for hours. No problem. She calls her daughters who speak very harshly to her on speaker. No problem. She tells her Doc one thing, the nurses another thing, two specialists another thing and when they call her on the differences she pleads she has a massive headache and wants to be left in peace. They recommend an ice pack and other things, she just wants drugs. She keeps changing her symptoms to get better drugs. Then she has some visitors. They leave and we get visitors. We are all chattering and the woman decides to call her daughter again, on speaker. She talks very loud and starts whining about symptoms and how the Docs will not listen and they will not give her pain meds. Her daughter asks if the Doc is there now because she can hear male voices. The woman says, “No it is those people, they are talking and they will not shut up!!!”. Her daughter suggests she close the door. “NO they are in my room and will not stop talking!!” Mom! It is their room too and they were in there before you got there. So the mom starts whining again and her daughter tells her good bye. Our guests leave and she gets some. Do we complain they are talking? NO! But wait! At about 9:00 PM she just starts talking to nobody. She is having an entire conversation and after short pauses makes random statements that she responds to. This goes on for hours. The nurse comes in and believes she is talking to her so she responds but the woman’s response makes no sense. Odessie tells me this went on all night long. By the time I get there the woman is sitting in a chair pretending to sleep. Insane!! At first it was a stroke and then she fell and then it is just migraines and then it is because she had a heart attack 3 years ago, on and on the different stories went. Insane.

One afternoon after the billing clerk has already been in to see us another woman comes in and is the poster child for hateful. She screeches questions at Odessie, who has  been out of surgery less than 16 hours. Where is Cedar Park? Why are you at this hospital? How did you get here? Where will you stay when you leave here? I am sure there are indigent hospitals in Austin.  

    WTF???? Did she just say to my child? I stand up taller and turn my full attention to her. She looks at me and I take two steps toward her. She backs up three and swallows, her head rapidly moving back and forth between Odessie and me. To answer your question, I say, she came here in an ambulance, from another hospital for emergency surgery, she will stay at my house, I AM HER MOTHER!! Oh… well…. She…. YOU can leave now! I tell her. But…. Sign these…. She has already signed papers. Thank you GOODBYE!!! You judgmental, prissy, indifferent, self-righteous, pathetic, sad little woman!! (I am thinking). My daughter’s purse costs more than you make in a month! Shut up!!!  

We are at my home now. No crazy ladies anywhere.