Ah... Grasshopper

I bought some jicama at the store for us to eat in a fruit salad I would be making. No one else likes it. What is jicama you may ask? It is tasty!!

Jicama is known as Mexican Yam or Mexican turnip.  It is actually from the bean family and is called jicama de agua. The flowers on the plant can be either blue or white.

The exterior is yellow and papery while the edible inside has the texture of a pear. It is a sweet and starchy taste similar to apples or green beans. It is usually eaten raw. The root of the plant is the edible part. The plant originated in Mexico and was taken to the Philippines by Spanish explorers, then on to China and the rest of Asia.

It is composed of 89% water. It is a good source of potassium and Vitamin C, is high in fiber and many minerals. It promotes bone health by promoting calcium absorption from other foods. It zaps free radicals and fights cancer, inflammation, colds and infections.

One jicama can weigh up to 50 pounds. They are usually harvested when they are 5 pounds.

Speaking of eating, Odessie asked, while we were waiting in the ER what grasshoppers ate. They are strict herbivores. They eat plants and have very fierce looking teeth. Their favorite foods are corn, wheat barley, alfalfa, and grass. Grasshoppers make great pets and can be kept in containers as long as they have air and are fed vegetables, leaves and grass.

Why did she ask this question you wonder….well…  Her friend Angie came over for dinner and I asked if she wanted salad. Angie replied NO she was not a grasshopper. Who says that? Grasshopper? Maybe sheep, No I am not a sheep. Maybe answer with No, I eat meat. Or, I am a carnivore. Or, leaves are for sissies. No she informed us she was not a grasshopper. Bloody Hell!! It is not like I would invite a grasshopper to dinner! My thought is, you are in the wrong house girl. We do not consume massive chunks of flesh here!!! 

Grasshopper!!! I envision myself as the old Kung-Fu master from that TV show with David Carradine… Ah, grasshopper you have much to learn.

Meemaw!! What are you doing?? I am walking across the parking lot to get inside the store and there she is. Meemaw is backing up out of a parking space. I too found nothing unusual about this at first. She slowly backs and backs and I wait. She has backed all the way out and can now maneuver herself into a turn and safely drive away. Any minute…any minute… no she drives forward and through the spot she has just backed out of. Okay she is going to park in the forward facing slot so she can just pull forward and leave instead of backing up. I have done that many times. I walk on past and up to the door of the store. Before I open the door and go inside a soft voice tells me to turn and check on Meemaw. She has driven on through the other space and is now maneuvering the turn to leave the parking space and drive away. I watch as she disappears down the road. What??? Was she doing?

I received a voice mail from a phone number I do not recognize saying, “I have a shirt I will never wear, EVER. I thought your daughter might like to have it. Call me!”  Uhm… NO! Who are you??

And, what is with this now very common phenomena?? There is not a vehicle for a mile or more behind me. I can see a little white car waiting to turn onto the road. I am driving at the suggested speed. The car waits and waits (he could have pulled out much earlier and not have been a safety hazard). Then right as I am about 24 feet from him he decides to turn onto the road. I am cruising at 40 mph. I am in a huge Lincoln Town car, these do not stop on direct command. 

They need room like a 57 car train needs room to stop. I slam on the brakes and the horn. He does not move, he does not speed up, in fact I do not believe his foot even touched the gas pedal upon completion of the turn. I believe he slowed down. I am still lying on the horn as I watch his eyeballs stare at me from his rear view mirror. Yeah, they were blue. He still does not speed up he just continues to slow down still staring at me and still no cars behind me in sight. There is an oncoming truck so I cannot move. Fortunately the driver of the truck is paying attention and moves over as far as he can and slows in case I jump lanes to avoid smashing into idiot man. Charles starts to slide and I am still pressing on the horn the car still is not moving or gaining speed. His eyes are still looking back at me in the mirror. It is at this moment I am seriously wishing my pretend rocket launcher was real. Charles screeches to a halt about two feet from behind him. He looks at me again from his mirror and laughs. LAUGHS! Then slowly accelerates and drives on. The oncoming truck looks over at me and with a concerned question on his face throws a look at the guy in the little white car, his arms in the air, shakes his head and drives on.

 I am frantically pressing every button Charles has and hoping one of them is a rocket launcher. I am going to obliterate that bloody wanker in the little white car. I need to move to the city where I do not need to drive or to the country where there is less traffic or to an island. Anyone have a ranch house in Montana I could rent?