What I Saw On the Floor

I looked at my phone this morning and there is a memo from my daughter that I had not heard chime in early, as in 3:58 AM. “Mom, she (her girlfriend) tried to leave me down town in Mexico. I have no money. I am super scared. I want to go home” I am now having a heart attack. WTF!!??!!! 

Where are you? No answer. I wait …. Where are you?. no answer. I wait…

I call and the phone just rings then disconnects and I have another heart attack. Then a memo rings in. “I am in the room”. Now I want to throttle them both. Girls!!!

I had gone to the grocery to get a few things when a Journey song comes on through the sound system. I started singing out loud as I was walking through the store. My nephew is looking at me and laughing and trying his best to avoid me but not totally abandoning me. As I round an isle a woman is asking her husband why he will not sing with her. She then in exasperation says in her outside voice “why is no one singing along?”  I am! She looks at me “Right! Who could not sing along to this song?” We both move on. It was like an episode of Glee.

Let me be very clear about this. I do not snoop through my daughter's room, I do not explore through her things. But as I was moving a book and her glasses on her bedside table I heard a light thud on the carpet. As I looked to see what had fallen I found a pregnancy test. 

I left it where it lay but as I was turning my eyes fell upon a couple of condom  (still in wrappers) lying on the floor just under the bed.  Yes, did I mention she told me she washed the sheets? Now while one of these things is good one of them may not be so good. Is it too early for a glass of wine if I add some orange juice and call it Sangria? 

                                          

Mystery of The Key Fob

I am staying at my daughter’s flat while she is in Playa del Carmen. I am dog sitting. 
                                       
Mom, I will scrub the garden tub so you can take a nice relaxing bath she says. She sent me a text memo, Mom, I didn’t get the tub scrubbed but the stuff to clean it with is under the sink in the bathroom. 

Mom, the sheets are clean, the blanket is clean we just did not put the duvet back on the blanket. (I kind of wish they had). 
                                  
I walk in and there are piles and piles of folded and non-folded laundry covering every flat surface in the flat. Another text memo, Mom, we did laundry but did not put it all away. All??? You mean there is more somewhere? She could open a boutique with the amount of clothing I can see. Does she only wash once a month? 

Do you have internet? No Mom, you have to go to the internet café at the Town Hall building.  Which brings me to the next phase of this adventure. 
                                        
My nephew is living here but because of his crazy job schedule he cannot properly care for the dogs. He is up early and roaming the flat like a caged lion. Finally, I guess he has worked up enough courage (am I that scary? He is 27) to tell me he has something awkward to ask me (uh-oh). Can I please leave the flat for about an hour, his girlfriend is coming over for a wee bit before she goes to work? Sure when will she be here I ask as I am about to make a second cup of coffee. In about 5 minutes, he says. I pack up the Gypsy and walk over to the Town Hall which seemed to be about a 3-minute walk but was actually not. 

He tells me as I am leaving that the key fob I use to open the drive in gate will also open the pool gates and entrance gates and cyber café door. So, I try it at the pool gates, nothing, the lounge door nothing. While I was at the lounge door a very unfriendly male creature with a name badge walks by me and enters. I try again and nothing. At the entrance sidewalk gate nothing happened there either so I reach over the top and push the handle from the other side. I am now at the very front of the Town Hall so I try the front door. Locked! I glance at the time. 8:47 AM.  I make a few phone calls to kill time until 9 when I assume the staff will arrive. As I am in the middle of an important call, grumpy face from the lounge door opens the main door and rudely asks me “Is there something you need.” I am clearly on the phone you bumble head!! I excuse myself from the phone call and turn to rude, bollocks grumpy face. He gives a huge sigh and shakes his head as he stares at me with lifeless cold blooded eyes. The Cyber Café? He points, “around the corner first left, hallway, door is marked at the end.” He starts to close the door. I smile and ask how do I get in? Key fob he utters, closes the door with a bang and clicks the lock back into place.  Seriously?? It will be best for him if I assume his woman of 11 years broke up with him last night and I feel pity not this rushing river of rage at his rudeness. 

I cross through another entrance gate, go down the hall and arrive at the door. I click the key fob and nothing happens. I wave the fob over the little black box and still nothing. By now I am thinking that blowing the door from its hinges is the way to go. As I am waving my arms in a childish fit and turning to leave I hear a beep and a click.  I charge in through the door, good thing the only person in there was a very pervy looking dude who did not at all react to my SWAT style entrance. He does not even look around. 

I put my pack, keys and sunglasses on a corner table and march over to the coffee machine to discover that it is empty and needs service. Great! I see Earl Grey tea and a hot water dispenser. Earl Grey it is. Paper cup, tea bag under the water dispenser push and ahhhhh… hot tea, except it is not hot the water was cold. I dislike iced tea. But the aroma of the Earl Grey is enticing and I am thirsty and there is no water in this place. I drink it. 
                               
I get to work. Perv man leans back in his chair, stretches and releases a belch so loud it must have come from a rhino. Bloody freaking hell is there no end to this torture?  At last he leaves. 

What will happen next?

His Name is Lilly

As scheduled I took Mom to her Doctor appointment. 

We got there signed in and waited…and then much to my despair The Voice came on.

 I tried to lose myself in a conversation with Mom but she kept telling me to lower my voice, I was talking too loud. Well of course I was. I had to drown out the peckish chatter of those angry, unhappy, disgruntled, over paid harpies. Who have nothing nice or positive or kind or uplifting, helpful, or feel good to say. But that was not all of it; some woman brought her daughter in and was letting her watch cartoons on a phone with volume turned up so that we all had to endure the selfish, entitled behavior.  I was about to lose my mind when they called Mom back. I dove into a book I had brought along. Rescued at last by men at Zodiac Station.

Mom wanted pancakes for lunch so we went to a pancake place, where we were seated and cheerfully greeted by our server whose name tag said Lilly. We ordered. Mom had the strawberry crepes 

and I had banana, macadamia nut, buttermilk pancakes with a butter rum sauce 

and sausage, hash browns and eggs. (I now have breakfast for today also) Lilly was charming, polite, energetic and wearing light blue sparkly nail polish. 

Deep red hair was artfully twisted and piled into a ballerina bun on the back of her head. Lilly was respectful and responded with joy when I asked for things using terms of endearment. Mom was enjoying her meal and completely clueless. So I said, he is a great server isn’t he? Mom replied, “You mean her, she is a great server.” She is male mom. “No it is a woman” she says. No Mom, she is not female. Bless her heart she looked at me like I had lost my mind. 

Lilly brought me a go box and the check just as Mom poured another cup of coffee. I went to pay while she enjoyed her coffee. I noticed on the way to the register that our server was listed Luke. Wanting to make sure Lilly got the tip I commented on this. I was told that our server was indeed Luke but went by the name Lilly. The check said Luke because she, the manager, could not figure out how to get into the brain part of the cash register to change his name to Lilly. She also told me that he sometimes introduces himself as Luke and sometimes as Lilly but always wears the Lilly name tag. I noticed on the way back to our table that she, Lilly had put a sparkly blue star and a bright pink happy face sticker on the back of the check and signed it Thank you Lilly. 

I informed Mom of what I had learned and after a fleeting moment of shock she smiled and said “She was wonderful and they need to figure out the cash register thing and change her name in it!”

Stick with me Mom I can show you some amazing moments!

More Donuts - Less Gorillas

I have been actively posting and interacting on instagram. I am addicted to the endless stream of photos and visuals. Except… you knew there would be one. Those photos of male at the gym flexing every day, and female taking photos of purses every day, the female having a breakdown over being un-followed (or whatever started her issue, I admit I did un-follow her my self because personal drama belongs on facebook) females and males posting selfies with phone numbers and emails on how to contact them, and donuts. I love donuts and these photos of donuts are killing me.

I am puzzled by something. How many of you will stop where you are going to go into a business that has a giant inflated gorilla on their roof? 
And, why is it they are usually purple or blue? Would you be more or less inclined to stop if it was a giant inflated camel or penguin? I would stop for Thor maybe even Batman.

I was shown a photo of Xylaria polymorpha.

It does not get better, they are also known as Dead Man’s Fingers. 

Because that is what they can look like. It is a fungus or if you prefer a mushroom. When they are young they are very pale with an almost blue tint and as they age they darken turning very dark grey to black and looking like entirely something else.

                                  

They grow near dead trees, stumps, forgotten woodpiles and logs. Unlike most mushrooms that are active for a few hours or days each year the “Dead Man’s Fingers” grow in Spring and will stay active and alive into the Fall.

This morning I am taking mom to a Doctor appointment. This should be fun and a great adventure. You never know with mom what she may want to do.