DMV Fee

Many years ago officer O’Idiot pulled me over for some paltry thing or other. I have no recollection of his list, yes there was a list of infractions. I had just moved back to Texas and all my information still said California. It was February 7 two days after my Birthday and my inspection was due in January apparently my driver’s license had expired on my birthday. My address was incorrect, I had been here less than 30 days and my insurance card said it expired in January. The new one which began again in January was lost in the mail cycle. I was insured I just did not have the new card which comes with new dates every 6 months. So, yes that was also on the list. He ran out of room on the ticket and scribbled it on the side. Driving without insurance he said. I told him I had insurance. He said if your driving license is expired you cannot have insurance. WHAT???? Was he stupid?

 So I go to the clerk’s office and show proof of insurance with the new dates a few days later and she says the ticket stands. If I want to argue I have to go to court. What argument? I was giving her proof I had insurance. She and another of Satan’s wives stand behind their bullet proof glass and speak to me as though I am the reason their husbands have divorced them. I have never been at traffic court so when I try to ask them what that all means they just give me a court date and call for an officer to come over because I am unruly. WHAT????? 

I have not raised my voice I had passed the insurance through the slot gently and she had shoved it back through crumpling it. The officer is now asking me what the problem is while looking at the two of them cringing in terror behind their glass. Seriously? I explain and he says I had better just get an attorney and come back for court. Or?? Just pay it and go about your business.  So I did.  Let us move forward 8 years and there I am at the DMV a couple days ago when they tell me I cannot renew my license because I have to pay a fee. WHAT???? Yes I am on a list for criminals who drive without insurance. Who knew? I have to lose my place in line after waiting for an hour and 37 minutes to go home get on a computer and pay this fee.  Drivers of Texas, you are welcome those road repairs you enjoy were paid for by me!  Apparently I will have to pay for this for the rest of my life. I have had insurance with the same company since I was 16. This is ludicrous and if I had the money I would hire an attorney and deal with this NOW!!!

There was a bright spot while at the DMV a pilot in his ohhh so sexy flight suit came in.  What was really scary was the number of women who were dressed like ‘People of Walmart” with tattoos of faded out unicorns. Yes, unicorns on their arms, their backs, their legs. Some with a rainbow and some with flowers circling their faded out lavender unicorn heads.

 I glanced at my tattoo and was pleased I had not gotten some little girlish thing wrapped around my arm. Soon I noticed that the well-dressed people were sitting over near me. I giggled with glee the room had become two different social classes. It was like a sociology experiment being conducted right in front of me and because I had to go home and come back I got to see it twice. It was not based on ethnic or cultural differences it was a perceived social status based on how well people were dressed. My tattoo was exposed but I was dressed very well so even though they looked at it with a bit of disdain they still sat near me. You could see their thoughts play out on their faces. A frown and then a shy smile as they made their decision. I greeted them all with a big grin. I wish this had happened back in my college days I would have written a paper in this.

What was annoying was the little girl sitting next to me with the pony tail who kept flipping her head to talk to her mom and slapping me with it. I wanted to get out a pair of scissors and cut that hunk of hair off her annoying little head and politely hand it to her with a smile.

Then two guys, who came in together, sit in front of me, cross their legs at the same time and lift their hands up to their mouths where they both proceed to chew on their fingernails. I could not help but laugh. One of them looked like he belonged in Austin. He had a short tiny little pony tail and a thin elastic headband on his head. As a young girl walked by he looked her up and down as though judging her fashion choices. Uhhh dude, you are wearing a headband, flip flops and shorts that look like you snagged them at Abercrombie & Fitch and put them on straight out of the drier.

As I stood back up from the eye exam the tissue I had used to keep my face from the gross goo of other peoples sweaty heads stuck to my forehead and the two youngsters behind the desk looked at me with trepidation and giggled. Will the trauma of getting my license ever end?

Tomorrow – sin eater.