I stepped out the door with Gucci, leashed
him and off we walked. Not a fear or care in the world. It was 6:15AM and the
sun was not yet awake. We had the hood to ourselves for a moment. As we were coming up the walk to the front
door I froze gasping in horror. There in all its disgusting ugliness was a
giant coockuroach, scampering along the wall by my front window. I removed my shoe and charged, smashing it I
hoped, back to hell. I dashed backwards preparing for another swing. I was a
gladiator! The bloody thing leaps from the wall at about the same time and
charged me. Gucci charged after it now that it was ground level. The monster
broke right and disappeared. I gasped in a deep breath of air and slowly
exhaled trying to calm the fiery blood of my Pirate ancestors.
I moved tentatively around the corner of the
railing looking down, waiting for an ambush. It did not come. We moved further onto the porch when
SURPRISE!!! There was another monster by the front door. Fortunately for me I
had unknowingly ambushed it and it fled in terror disappearing. But as I unlocked my front door and went in
it occurred to me that it may have ducked into the space between the decorative
boards on the wall by the door and could jump out and attack me the next time I
went outside causing me to have a heart attack and thereby killing me. I raced
to the kitchen and grabbed the bug spray. I was going to spray down the walls
and doors and the entire porch. While
doing this I recalled that I had never had this problem while my porch light
annoyingly burned bright. They had until
3 today to replace it. I sprayed and
sprayed and as I turned the corner there went a coockaroach scampering back
across the wall by the window. I sprayed, coating it in a slimy film of poison.
It retaliated by charging at me. I quickly re-coated it and it ran toward my
front door. I loomed hesitantly around the corner and then charged into my home
waiting. I just knew it would come oozing under the door. It did not. Later that morning I braved going
back out to start some laundry when I saw a dead one laying by the front walk.
I left it there as a warning to other miscreant monsters. Maintenance replaced
the porch light bulb and later last evening when I went out to walk Gucci guess
what did not turn on? The light! I stood mortified. Had the kin of the dead
come to torment me? Was this going to be a revenge killing? Would I just be
terrorized? Why had the light not worked? Gucci and I raced through the porch
onto the walk and he nervously did his business. We then raced back inside and
slammed the door bolting it. I armed myself with a broom and the spray and
waited staring at the front door, Gucci staring at me. We sat there for what seemed like an hour. I
finally grabbed a beer and a cigar and became that character, Major Alan
“Dutch” Schaefer, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger from the movie Predator.
I sat in a chair and waited.
This morning I waited until daylight to walk
Gucci. I am going to file another maintenance request. I want that light fixed.
Some of you may have an idea about what I am
going to describe, others may find this highly erotic but when you are a female,
non-lesbian and you are eye level and not 6 feet from this view it is
repulsive. I was waiting for a perspective member at a coffee shop, sitting in
a chair when in walks 30 something yoga pant mom with all 5 of her kids. First
of all, this is NOT Orange County California.
You are not one of the housewives
of Beverly Hills, nor is this Miami and Zumba just let out.
This is a small
village North of Austin. It is bad enough you view your yoga clothes as an acceptable
wardrobe for the street but you had to buy the see-through yoga pants.
So there
you are parked at the counter ordering muffins for your already hyper children
and yourself coffee when the crack of your butt is shimmering through the
opaque blackness of your overly tight yoga pants. I have heard of this
phenomena but thankfully I had been spared, until now. Not
that you did not have a fairly nice butt, but having to see it while pleasantly
sipping my coffee was like watching the chef making your pizza stop to change
the cat litter and not wash his hands after he was done and got back to shaping
the dough. Are you aware? Did you buy them on purpose? Do you even know for
sure who the baby daddies are?
That last comment was a bit of a meow. It is
not that I have not had my share of dressing inappropriately but I was a
bartender/cocktailer in a biker bar. My
only income, 4 children (yes I do know who the 2 baby daddies were, my X husbands)
and at $2.35 an hour I needed tips. Lots of tips. I did not go to the local
coffee shop dressed that way, I had other clothes for public appearances.
By the way I saw maintenance man yesterday
and the porch light is now working.
My
potential member did not have to witness the yoga pant incident or he would
have been extremely distracted and the whole meeting useless.
I have another meeting today and am thinking
about wearing my pajamas. What say you?
Well dear, I think every person have their own choice, so I like to wear alo yoga pants. I have never tried see through leggings as I don’t like to wear them. Even my all friends wear capris and pants only.
ReplyDeleteWhat I do not want to see is the ass of some woman through her yoga pants. I do not care what you wear!!! Just do not expose your ass to me. Be considerate of who else may see your naked ass. I believe I made it clear that was the issue. Thank you for stopping by and reading. Cheers!
DeleteThis is very interesting content! I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your points and have come to the conclusion that you are right about many of them. You are great. yoga capris
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