Claymore

I have left my devotional book upstairs. I suppose I have not yet gotten used to bringing everything for my morning routine down with me. I did not get by the market to get a little   cream yesterday but I did bring home a wee bit of milk from Mothers. Not that this is a full blown complaint, I am grateful I have it but, it is NOT cream and tea I just some simpering brown liquid without a shot of cream. Spoiled? …. Maybe. Deserve to be spoiled? …..uh….Lady Tamara!www.LairdOfLochaber.com

I usually decorate my house for Christmas by putting a everything everywhere. I like the “mash-up” look and feel of it. This year it felt all wrong and so I have the snowman display, the Santa display, the Christmas tea set display, the candy display, and of course my beloved nutcracker display. I gravitate to the tall muscular looking nutcrackers.  My daughter Shaggy who is 6’2” seems to prefer to buy me the short, squatty, rounder, jollier more whimsical nutcrackers. Is there some psychological, subconscious thing going on there, or is she attracted to their jovial appearance. If I ask her I do not think she could tell me so, it must be visually they are more appealing to her. It does not matter to me. They are all wonderful. The Rat King, the Scotsman with his bagpipe, the German man with his sausages, the Mariachi man, the Chimney sweep, all of them, I adore them.

Shaggy’s phone went black screen on her last night. One minute it was fine and the next gone. The phone is only a few months old. She was very upset and came fussing to me, I am not a phone repair man. I know nothing about the inner workings of a cell phone. Shaking it is the first thing that came to mind. Then snapping to the frustration and the anger and fear in her voice, that mother thing kicked in and my first thought was to kill that which was causing my child distress.  I love that brief moment when the attack signal goes off and the adrenaline surges. I pull my Claymore from its scabbard and assume a pflug position. Giggle at myself and my amazing ability to visualize while at the same time calling Samuel and ordering an airstrike on a little phone. These amusing scenarios bring me back to practical and my response is we are going in the morning to Verizon and they will buy back their defective piece of (insert word here). She calms a bit and I ask her if I can order the airstrike to stand down. She replies “let’s wait and see what Verizon says first.” Well, OK.  As soon as we get home she gets on her computer and does a search on troubleshooting. The advice it offers does not fix the problem. She is once again standing before me fussed up. I can hear the slide of a round being chambered in my Glock, I am wondering what a 4G android looks like with a bullet in it….. I smile, Verizon? Tomorrow? “Yes mom”. There is a wicked grin on her face. If we could have gone last night I am sure those people would have gotten a verbal lashing from her.

 Two items are on my list for today, cream and Verizon. What is on your list?