Blue Balls

Some mornings I jump out of bed and some mornings I roll and some I arise like Frankenstein. That was today. I am stiff and unresponsive. Like pieces of me are not familiar with other pieces and there is no co-ordination. No union or common goal to get us all together.

Ok, boys……word of advice. First of all do NOT put balls on your trucks. It was funny about 10 years ago to me the first time I saw it. They were pink the truck was brown and very well over endowed which of course told me the driver was not. Second if you must give in to the boyish pleasure of alerting us all to the fact that even though you lack balls your truck does not please, please, please do NOT put blue balls on your truck!!!! I am not even sure what was going through the heads of the Transformer people when they put balls on the Decepticon. Really??

I think it is marvelous that some of you get to choose the vehicle you are driving and believe you are being thrifty and conscience and doing your part and whatever else you may be appeasing in your mind but, some of us are driving what we were given. I would rather be in the very economical and charming naughty Volvo but I really do love my Charles. There is something so very Texas about a Daddy giving his little girl a very big Lincoln for a Birthday present. Perhaps it is all those years of watching Dallas. That being said….. it is NOT the duty of you other people to try and point out what you believe is our extravagance. Do NOT pull out in front of my half ton, metal, V8zooming, 2000 horsepower, I am going 40mph vehicle! It was NOT made for instant stopping. I can no easier come to a dead stop than a  mile long freight train, ocean liner or 767 upon landing!! ReallY!!!!!! I suppose pulling out in front of me was the much better choice than waiting for me to get past  and pull in behind me where there was no other traffic!!! Your ugly little car probably red lined as you stomped on the accelerator, when you realized that I was not stopping and that you were about to become my hood ornament. Ok just so you know….. When I tell my V8 to move and move now it does so with grace and agility. When you tell your car that is the size of half of a comma to move fast and move now, it is not going to do that!!! Pulling over was your only option because there is no way I could have stopped my car.

One more thing…. You child hauling taxi moms in your mini vans….you have no special privileges. If you are going to drive without safety concerns for your own family why should us (we) other drivers care either. Stay to the suburban side road please!!!!

Ok, I loved the old Conan movies and Arnold was great but this new Conan….WOW!!!!! To the freak who commented about Tamara the Queens guard and “what trailer park did she crawl out of”…. Your mom forced you to ride to soccer games in a minivan didn’t she? I bet you drive around in an oversized tricked out ball wearing Toyota. Afraid of strong women? Perhaps a woman with a sword she can actually use makes you tremble. Come here little fellow I am hungry!!!