Breakfast Letters: speed bump

Breakfast Letters: speed bump: The cup of tea I am currently sipping is a perfect taste and texture. It is not always so. If I have sugar cubes then yes, it is perfect eve...

speed bump

The cup of tea I am currently sipping is a perfect taste and texture. It is not always so. If I have sugar cubes then yes, it is perfect every time but with a spoonful not so much. My cat is purring and I would be too if I could.

I would like to tell you about what I saw in a parking lot yesterday as I was driving through. It is a new addition to the lot at least in the last few weeks. There have always been these huge black lumps that lay across the main drive along the store fronts. They are painted with white stripes at a diagonal so as to be seen. I see them. I know they are there. I have always known they were speed bumps. I have to remember as far back as I can and yes they have always been called or known to me as speed bumps. I must have been the anomaly because now on the front side of every one of these speed bumps or so I thought they were speed bumps, is painted in big bold clear white lettering. SPEED BUMP Ohhhhh…. So that is what those are! Really? Who knew this until now? How much money did this cost?  Has some law been passed that states all speed bumps must be clearly marked with the words speed bump? Because as I am driving at 48mph through a parking lot I want to be able to pause long enough to read speed bump on a bump before I ram into it and damage my car. Did some foolish judge or jury or attorney really try this case? Did some idiot actually sue someone over their decision to ignore obvious speed bumps? Did it happen in the midst of committing a crime? Did they steal a load of items from TJ MAXX and then damage their vehicle while getting away on a speed bump which caused them to get caught? I would love to hear the mouse ran up the clock story behind this; probably as ridiculous as the hot coffee McDonald incident.  Do not get me started.

A girl  and her boyfriend had a quarrel ( yes ickie there are several different things that two or more people can do that is not really fighting!!!!!) she stated  to him that he was acting like an alien boyfriend.  LOL…(I totally get where she would think that I have dated aliens before myself). You will never believe what he did. http://sanantonio.craigs list.org/mis/2618786879.html  this is where he wrote the letter to her. I am sharing this because he wrote and posted it on a public forum.  This has got to be the cutest thing ever! This man knows how to create a fix in a big way. It is clever. Some of you may not be surprised by clever in a man but we are. I take that back for a second. Bluegrass and Bourbon was pretty damn clever! Anyway please follow the post and enjoy. 

Breakfast Letters: toothpick

Breakfast Letters: toothpick: One of the emails I receive is a newsletter from a religious leader. This morning it started out with “We're all watching the markets this m...

toothpick

One of the emails I receive is a newsletter from a religious leader. This morning it started out with “We're all watching the markets this morning after a tumultuous weekend of economic news.” Uh…No….No…we are NOT all watching the markets. I have absolutely no control over it. Watching it does not impact it. I did not even bother to read the whole thing. Something about storing treasure came to mind and I moved on.  

I have held back for as long as I can. Get the bloody tooth pick out of your mouth!!! ReallY!! Disgusting! It is NOT attractive and we, the people do not wish to see you pick at your teeth. REALLY!!!! I do not care if the meeting is formal or informal speaking with a piece of wood gathered up in the corner of your mouth is beyond annoying. STOP For the love of air STOP!!!  You are slouched back in your chair looking bored out of your mind, you do not remove your cap, and you stare off into a space beyond the room and look at no one. Not even when you speak do you look at the person you are addressing. You sit in a lump and are disgruntled because you “feel” you deserve respect but you do not bother to treat anyone else with any. I have no desire to attend any further meeting you may be at. I have tried to be nice. I have been calm and good natured. I believed (silly me) that you were just uncomfortable and would come around. There is nothing to come around to….(silly me) this is how you are. I shall let you be. I do not have to be around you so I will not.  You and your toothpick (has been in your mouth all day?) go in peace.

Dear people please do not attend meetings with a toothpick in your mouth. We the other people at the meeting do not want to see it. REALLY

I received a reported sighting of Horatio. He was seen at an apartment complex off of 410. Linoleuming is what the agent reported. Somehow I do not believe Horatio would be on his hands and knees gluing down squares of linoleum. I believe some other possibilities exist such as he was visiting a friend, woman, mother, kids. He was doing his job, investigating a murder/crime scene. Perhaps he was thinking about renting me an apartment and was taking the tour to see if was classy enough. Maybe that is where he was staked out while he was watching you watch him.

I should be on a flight this morning. I should be in L.A. by 10. I am not. I could have had a glorious week in beautiful California on the beach all day, up at Bear Lake house hunting, touring the local wineries, watching the yachts come and go while sipping a cocktail on the balcony of a wonderful restaurant in Long Beach. Enjoying the Pub at Seal Beach….. Travelocity you let me down.

I will be arranging my database for prospective clients into groups today…woohoo! I have over 200 and my first client did not come from my database. I need 1 big huge account with a steady stream of needs and a whole file full of little ones. I have Christmas cards ready for you to order. Call me!

Breakfast Letters: Pens

Breakfast Letters: Pens: Pens travel. Has anyone else noticed this odd phenomenon? I had three pens in a basket I keep by my chair. There is a bookmark, the three pe...

Pens

Pens travel. Has anyone else noticed this odd phenomenon? I had three pens in a basket I keep by my chair. There is a bookmark, the three pens, a highlighter, my gratitude journal, my devotional book, a cloth to clean my glasses (just to read with), and my worn out falling apart dream book. I use the pens on my journal and for dream interpretation. Well, they have one by one vanished from the basket. I was at a client’s office and she nor could her assistant locate a pen. They had brought a few extra from their homes but those as well vanished. Where do all the pens go? Is there like a Pied Piper of pens out there? Does he just wander the Earth and pipe to a different place each night? Are the pen piper and the sock piper related? I have heard that some kids lose their retainers and glasses.  Is this the work of other pipers?

I am running out of tea bags. I have been using one Ceylon and one white bag in my morning pot of tea and just Ceylon at tea time to help prolong the eventual run-out of tea for me. This morning I had two white and one Ceylon. I used the white and saved the Ceylon for this afternoon. As I have stated in other letters I add colored sugar to my bowl of sugar to make it pretty. I had black sugar crystals in the bowl. Well this morning I added the one and a half spoonful of sugar and poured the very, very pale tea in the cup. The tea changed into a ghoulish green. Hmmmmm……. I stirred, it looked like a potion cooked up by a witch. I poured in the cream. I now had a pale mystic looking greenish grey, cloudy steaming beverage. Perfect for a Halloween tea; odd for my breakfast tea. I am glad I am not pregnant and prone to morning sickness. I closed my eyes, (why do we do this?) and took a sip. It tasted like my tea but then not. I have a brilliant opportunity here to believe this tea is something other than what it is and that is what it will be. Welcome back this piece of Tamara, I have missed you so very much.

Do you think the manna from Heaven for the Israelites had different flavors every day? Toasty oatmeal one day, clove flavored apple the next, buttery corn the following? The story does not say it did not, nor does it say it did. What would your GOD flavor your manna with? 

Breakfast Letters: Smile

Breakfast Letters: Smile: I had one of those “can’t get comfortable” nights of sleep and when I finally did the alarm went off. I had a conversation with myself about...

Smile

I had one of those “can’t get comfortable” nights of sleep and when I finally did the alarm went off. I had a conversation with myself about getting up or not getting up I did not have to be anywhere until 9ish. I decided to get up and make coffee, have a slice of cake and get to my meet a wee bit early and make another cup of coffee. I went down stairs put the kettle on and prepared my tea tray for tea. I do not know what happened to the coffee idea? Strange.

Shaggy and I ventured out on a walk last night and were set upon by a mutant cricket. It jumped from the dark grass and landed by her foot. She screamed and jumped landing right where I would have been if I had not jumped away. I start laughing, she starts laughing and asks what it is. The cricket is sitting, looking at us with a smug grin on its face as though it had accomplished some sacred mission and will be blessed by the Pope. “Mom, I was nearly murdered by a Ninja cricket.” Yes honey but, you weren’t. If that was his mission, to murder you, he failed. The mutant Ninja cricket is no longer grinning. He turns his little Ninja body toward us. Shaggy yelps and we quicken our pace away from him.

But, that was not all. Further up the road we come upon a street light. I notice what I think is a twig tremble slightly on the pavement. A breath later it crosses my mind as I see a flash of something long and shiny, that there is no breeze to move a twig and twigs do not reflect light. I stop, Shaggy stops, I turn and step back as Shags moves closer to me. She follows my gaze and gasps as a quiet “bloody hell” flows off my tongue. We lean down closer to the twig that is now not moving at all. It is a praying mantis. About three inches long, dark brown and starring up at us with its head cocked to the side and looking a wee bit nervous yet predatory. What does Shaggy say? “Cool Mom, is it a male or female?” Like, I am an expert on the sex of insects. Does she want me to pick it up and check? Perhaps ask it? “Excuse me dear but are you a male or female?” Why, Shaggy? “Because if it is a female she will bite someone’s head off tonight and that is disgusting and if it is male he will be losing his head and that would be cool.” Maybe a raccoon will eat it and it will not matter! We walk on.

But that was not the end of it either. Still further on as we are crossing under another street light what I thought was a crack in the street moves. Then, moves four more times and as Shaggy is about to step on the moving sidewalk crack she sees it and screams and as she screams the poor creature moves four more times and vanishes under a car. “MOM!!! What was that?” I am laughing uncontrollably. A toad Shags it was a toad. “No mom it was something else and it tried to kill me!” It was a toad and it was trying to get away because you nearly killed it with your big feet. “Seriously?....No mom! It tried to kill me!” Perhaps we should go home it is dangerous out here. A bloody war zone. “Mom we need a dog to walk. A big dog, real big dog. OK…..LOL

Horatio was stalking us yesterday. We pull into an office building across the street from the library and there he is, parked on the street side facing us. At first I thought there was a frightening mess in the fiction isle, maybe mayhem was on the murder/mystery isle, blood in the biography section, gore in gardening. But later he shows up parked one row over from us at the airport. We were picking up Grandma, what was he doing? Was he also waiting for grandma? What had she done? She is always threatening to strangle Grandpa….mmmm?

After we dropped Grandma off with her friend we cruised back through the neighborhood and there he was; Spiderman looking all bad on his Spidey bike. He even had on a Spidey helmet and Spidey shoes. You go Spiderman!!!! Where was he while we were walking through the hood later that night being attacked by viscous insects and amphibians?

Yesterday as we drove around the terminal parking lot looking for a spot to park, Shaggy, with awe in her voice exclaimed “Mom, Look a smiley face just for us!” Sure enough, there on a wall was a huge smile and two eyes glowing as though the concrete was on fire from within. They were coming from an Audi that had parked near the wall. I will explain what happened. The sun was coming in over the wall at just the right angle and was reflecting off the front bumper which caused the light to arch down in the middle so it looked like a smile and was also reflecting off the chrome frame of the headlamps. These bounced on to the wall and created the smiling face. What we saw was happiness, joy and mystery. We both giggled with glee at the welcome we received from a parking garage. I will think of that smile all day today. I hope you will too, and pass it on to others. Cheers!

Breakfast Letters: jazz

Breakfast Letters: jazz: I have been listening to jazz for hours today. I love jazz on a Sunday. In my past I listened to it and then I somehow got lost and the jazz...

jazz

I have been listening to jazz for hours today. I love jazz on a Sunday. In my past I listened to it and then I somehow got lost and the jazz with it. I remember…..it is coming back to me, the calm, the sound, the textures, the feelings, the hope that dances around the sadness, the sparkle that caresses the somber tone of jazz on a Sunday.

Shaggy and I did it again. We watched the fluffy grey mix with the wisps of darker grey and celebrated. We stood in awe of the beauty and magic that sweeps the air moments before rain, giving GOD glory. Lightening flashed, and flashed again and rain fell.  She grabbed her i-pod and I grabbed a cook book. She had a dancing sing-long while I looked for soup recipes while curled up in a big cozy chair. Creamy artichoke, French onion with melted gorgonzola cheese, minestrone, they all sounded wonderful.  There was no usual Sunday night movie, there was something better. Sunday night thunderstorms. PTL!!

I want to thank the beautiful team of Ladies I work with for their kindness and thoughtfulness. I took the gift certificate and made an appointment.  In the midst of tears and the inability to even grasp one small feather from hope Brandi asked me what I wanted. After several attempts to offer even a glimmer of what I had no idea I wanted and to shake my head no at her idea, I took a deep breath and said “I want to be a different person”.  She smiled nodded her head and set to work.  The results were amazing. Not only was my hair different I was. The way I saw myself, talked to myself, treated myself was different. I know it is just hair but, hair changed Sampson’s world, it can change mine. The movie Shags and I watched that night, A Knights Tale. I did not change the stars I changed the way I looked at her.

Today is Talk Like A Pirate Day so time to shove off me hearties we are bound for strange waters and treasures yet to behold…..

Breakfast Letters: 14 years ago I was assured by people I was going t...

Breakfast Letters: 14 years ago I was assured by people I was going t...: 14 years ago I was assured by people I was going to trust that someone else whom I did love intently would believe something. So as a safegu...

14 years ago I was assured by people I was going to trust that someone else whom I did love intently would believe something. So as a safeguard I spoke to them something that would alert me if our agreement was broken. It has been. I am angry and disappointed. They may have harmed whom I love by this careless, thoughtless act.  Now another person not involved has decided to involve even more innocent people. These people are now hurting. This is going to spread until more than just one person is suffering. STOP! It is NOT your place to disrupt the lives of so many others. This was an agreement between people other than you. I do not know what you intend to gain other than pain, sorrow, suffering, and disaster for everyone. Stop tormenting people I love. You claim you have never been happier than now in your married life, than go away and be happy. Happy people do not run around destroying other people. I will say this only once more. Stop tormenting people I love.

Salem Witch Hunt!!!!! One stupid little girl started a scene of torment and murder. (see above for understanding)

OK…. That was my business card!!! Perhaps you should have read it!!! No I did not want your prize and in light of what was going on I was going to refuse and tell you to draw again. Yes I am aware you were told it was my card. You laughed and I believe said oh!! Well!! NO oh well is not acceptable. You should have made every effort to find me and apologize for the disrespect. You were told by several people when you pulled my card that it was mine. Shame on you! To everyone else who knew what happened and pretended not to. Shame on you! It was a train wreck and yes people were hurt!!! Ball is in my court…. Anyone care to guess what I have done and will do about it?

Breakfast Letters: Toast

Breakfast Letters: Toast: I love toast with butter and honey. I love my toast very crunchy except in the spots where the butter has melted and it is soft. This mornin...

Toast

I love toast with butter and honey. I love my toast very crunchy except in the spots where the butter has melted and it is soft. This morning my toast is almost burnt. It now has a bitter edge to the sweet, creamy buttery, taste. The contrast is amazing. Like my day yesterday…..

I went on a road trip (sweet) to pick up a beloved who had been extremely ill, from the hospital (bitter). I had to be up so very early (bitter) but I was treated to a brilliant sunrise (sweet). I was on the road all day (bitter) but I was witness to an amazing sunset (sweet) on a beach (sweet) followed by the most wonderful moonrise ever (sweet). It was very late and very dark when I finally got on the road for home last night (scary and bitter). Arriving home safely and still feeling euphoric over the sunset, moonrise, and stroll along the beach (sweet). Feels like I should say Priceless right here…LOL …you know, it was.

I am tootling down the road yesterday, chattering away about ….well who knows when I come upon a traffic light in the middle of a 70mph roadway. I come to a stop and as I am glancing around who should pull up beside me? Horatio! I was in Kennedy of all places. Not really on the beaten path. Crime scene at an oil site? In the midst of starting to drill a skeleton is discovered? I did not see him again until I got to Portland. He drove slowly past as I was fueling up. Curious.

I saw a sign while I was driving through Kennedy that claimed “Men Working”. I admit I was skeptical, remembering other signs that claimed this but, a few yards further up the road sure enough there were men working. There were 5 men working. I do not know what exactly they were working at but they had on neon yellow vests and hard hats and were dirty.

The butterfly flashes me the message every so often that it has saved a draft of what I am writing however on the few times I have lost what I am writing I have never been able to find one of these alleged saved drafts. Where is she saving them to? This puzzles me greatly.

Speaking of the moonrise earlier, did you see the rising of the Harvest moon? So wonderful. It was dusk. We had just arrived upon the beach and had started toward the west. I glanced up from the edge I was walking on and was stopped by the glory that had been the sunset. The sun had melted away but it had left the horizon painted in lavenders and pale tinted peaches that beckoned the moon to come and play. I was enticed to follow so I turned around toward the east to see if the moon had indeed been lured out, and at first I did not see the pale peach tinted orb. I saw ships, large oil and cargo bearing ships, anchored off shore waiting their turn to make berth. I peered in between the pilings of the pier to count them; there were 8, when I beheld the moon. Huge and regal and looking like a grand sea vessel under full sail. I was enchanted and stood motionless for what felt like hours watching it sail further into the sky and shed its rosy cloak. I turned again back to my walk and the waves that were gently caressing the edge where I was brought little drops of moon beams washing over my feet. I wanted to stay. I wanted to listen to each wave as they counted the time for the moons voyage across the velvet of the sky. I can think of no place on this earth I would have rather been last night than right there. I hope you also had a little peek at what I saw.

Cheers!

Breakfast Letters: cocnut

Breakfast Letters: cocnut: Sometimes it is what is said. Sometimes it is how it is said. Sometimes it is just how we hear it and sometimes it is just plain stupid. Jim...

cocnut

Sometimes it is what is said. Sometimes it is how it is said. Sometimes it is just how we hear it and sometimes it is just plain stupid.

Jimmie went inside the gas station to pay for a fill up, a tank, not a few gallons but maybe 11 (it is a little car).  He had $100. He pulled it out of his wallet and handed it to the clerk as he said he wanted to fill up the tank. The clerk refused to take his money. Jimmie’s version: They did not want my money. The clerk had just made a deposit of cash into the safe and did not have the change, but she did not explain that at first to him. Now, Jimmie was not buying a candy bar or a soda. He was going to spend about $30.  “Uh….OK” He went over to another gas station. He walked inside and asked “Will you take my money?” The clerk inside asked if there was something wrong with the money, that is what Jimmie wondered too. As we drove by the station in the course of the next few days Jimmie tells me see that gas station…yeah?.....they do not like money. We both laugh.

Shaggy and I pull into Starbucks. (Most of you know I am NOT a Starbucks fan)  I see the coconut Frappuccino is still on the menu. It is not the Coconut coffee from Its A Grind but it does bring back pleasant memories. I order it. The clerk tells me they do not have it anymore because coconuts are out of season. WHAT??? I laugh. “Coconuts do not go out of season.”  “We do not have it anymore coconuts are out of season”. WHAT? Ok for those of us who understand how things work outside of a world where Starbucks dictates to us how we will drink coffee, all that is needed is a little coconut syrup, a little toffee syrup and some toasted coconut. They could keep these items on hand and serve them all year but …. Starbucks is endorsed by Obama and well …. I ordered something else that they keep on the menu all the time. We exchange money and drinks with the child at the window the whole time I am laughing about out of season coconuts. Do grocery stores know this as they are selling apparently, contraband, coconuts? Have I been breaking the law at Christmas when I make my famous coconut macaroon pie? (Not that that, would stop me from making the pie.) The child reacted as though it was illegal to serve coconuts after August. I just could not stop laughing. It was as though my ribs were being tickled from the inside. Maybe it was hysteria. He asks me to wait a moment and they hand me a free coconut Frap out of what is left of the syrup. It is nasty. I do not drink it. Shaggy wants a raspberry lemonade tea (I am surprised that is not out of season) before work the next day. I reluctantly go back. I do not order. The child is at the window again and yes he remembers me. GREAT!! “What I meant to say yesterday Ma’am is that we no longer stock coconut syrup. It is a summer seasonal drink.” LOL…. “Ok but you do understand that coconuts are available all year?” He smiles….”yes.”

I am in another village on another and Jimmie wants to go to Starbucks. “Oh boy!” I feel dread seep in and then humor. “I don’t suppose I can get a coconut frap can I?”…wait for it….wait….wait….. “No ma’am coconuts are seasonal.”  Yes I lost it. No it was not as bad as some of you are bound to think it was. This time it is not a child. It is a grown man. “Honey, coconuts are not seasonal. You can buy them and their syrup all year.” Jimmie is looking at me as if I had just grown two heads. The clerk is looking at me as if I am his X-Box and just called him by name. I burst out laughing. The barista stops making the drinks and with a smile as benevolent as an angel looks at us all and then explains that what his clerk meant was that Starbucks only serves the coconut drink seasonally. “Yeah I got that!! Did he?” I ask as I point to the dumbfounded clerk. The barista looks a little shocked because the man clerk is really looking confused. Jimmie drags me out of Starbucks.  

Shaggy’s dinner date with friends was cancelled last night. It is after 10 before they cancel, she has not eaten. Bad b.o.y.s. She wants comfort food so we drive off to McDonalds. She is dropping weight so she will be at the ideal super model weight and when the order taker asks what she wants to drink with her # 8 grilled I answer water. This has never been a problem before. “A bottle of water?” the little speaker asks. “No, water, instead of soda in the cup that comes with the meal.” Are you ready? You are NOT going to believe this…. “Water is not a beverage we can put in a cup.” WHAT??? Shaggy and I look at each and then I roll with laughter. “I just want water in the cup instead of soda.” “That is not a beverage that comes with the meal.” She replies. What?..... This cannot be happening again!. Sam says “thank you”. “Mom, Just drive on up”….we are laughing. She says…”it is not a coconut we want, it is water Mom.”  We pull up to the window make our transaction and I jot down the number of the owner for complaint purposes. I have to call about this. Water is not a beverage….LOL…. I am either paying for the cup in the meal deal or paying for the soda in the meal deal or both. Any way you slice it up I am paying for a cup of something. Give me the Bloody cup and put the water in it!!!! ReallYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

People this should be a call to action for us. We are losing our right to choice! We are being dictated to by huge corporations about what we can and can not drink. What is next? Health care? We will soon be told we have to carry health insurance? Will we be required to have ID on us at all times like in Germany? “Vere are your papers?”!!!!! 

I am going to every grocery store in the city and buying every coconut, syrup , flakes and anything else coconut I can find. When it comes to pass in a few months that coconuts are officially illegal in months other that Starbucks says. I will be known as Tamara the Duchess of Coconut, Pirate at large. I will have fleets of coconut smuggling ships, trucks all across America. Storehouses, Warehouses. 

Breakfast Letters: neighborhood letter

Breakfast Letters: neighborhood letter: Dear neighbors (that neighbor part is laced with sarcasm), Thank you for your thoughtful and helpful letter. Let me address all the items yo...

neighborhood letter

Dear neighbors (that neighbor part is laced with sarcasm),

Thank you for your thoughtful and helpful letter. Let me address all the items you have covered and interject a few items of my own.

Maybe I am not renting.

Maybe I will own this home in another 18 months and you will be “stuck” with me or any of my children until the end of time.

Maybe you do not know me. Have any of you ever come over here to become acquainted or get to know me. How many of you stepped over on my move in day to bring me cookies or a basket of muffins? How many of you offered me help on moving day?  How many of you saw us out splashing and dancing in the rain that first summer after months of no rain and reacted out of fear or anger or jealousy or hate? How many of you made up your mind then that you knew me?  To be very honest with you I have been very mellow for your sakes. That my lovelies is over. You think you know me…..LOL….. think again, and frankly it was getting harder and harder to contain myself. This liberation is invigorating. How does 18 pink flamingos in the yard sound? 4 bird baths? 6 Gmones? 5 deer statues…..ahh yes the possibilities seem endless…..

Maybe I am not used to cleaning up my own yard. We had people who did that for us. They are called gardeners. They show up every few weeks and just take care of the yard. Having to deal with that is not in my realm of things to remember. It does NOT mean I do not care. As if you know what I care about because you, never got to know me. See above paragraph again.

Maybe I have had severe tragedy in my world over the last month and in dealing with said tragedy the yard was overlooked. Caring for the others involved in the tragedy took priority over the yard and it just was pushed to the back of my mind. It does not mean I do not care.

Maybe not getting paid for a job I performed cost me all of my savings and just being able to pay the utilities was all I could do. Have any of you seen me or my daughter carry in bags of groceries?  There was no money to pay to have the yard done. Perhaps I do not own yard equipment. It does not mean I do not care.

Maybe I arranged to have the yard done and the guys never showed. That happened three times. These people have a schedule. I cannot call one on Monday morning and expect him to rush over and have it done by noon to please you people.  As if that is Yard guys ultimate wish….. yeah Their truck broke down on the way over here. Another week goes by while I schedule another guy. His mower blew the motor. Another week goes by before the next scheduled guy can show. His father passes away and he has had to postpone another week goes by before I can get on anther guys schedule.  It does not mean I do not care. But then, how would you people know any of that? You have never gotten to know me.

Maybe I neglected my yard just to irritate you! (This seems like the most probable answer considering the letter).

Maybe your threat to call the property managers causes me to laugh.

Maybe the property manager is my dad.

Maybe I told my Father about your letter. ( May HE have mercy on you).

Maybe your threat to call the city tickles me because my uncle Tom is the Mayor. Oh and I will add…we are Italian…..

Now it is my turn…..

Keep your mini Walmart shopping yous quiet in the morning. Not everyone in the neighborhood has to be up at 5 to get our precious little rug rats on a bus. Please contain their enthusiasm. May I suggest duct tape? You all are from a subspecies and know what that is I am sure.

Keep your little ankle biting chi chi dogs or any other dogs you may have that are smaller than a Shetland pony quiet in the morning. Not everyone wants to hear it yapp endlessly because a tree blew in the breeze and rattled a leaf.

If your dog kills one of the feral cats or kittens in the neighborhood do not bring it down to me as though you are showing off a trophy deer you murdered. Your ability or your dog’s ability to kill an animal does not impress me. It does not cause me fear. I do not tremble at the sight of you or your dogs. What I feel toward you and your dogs is what scares me. Do it one more time and I will ask council to file a restraining order and file suit for harassment. Mental duress is coming to mind. Terrorism follows that. Council can be so creative. Do not ever ask to look in my back yard again.

Yes those are water bowls on  my back porch. Yes I keep water in them. They are for the raccoons. Oh?.... the cats are in my back yard? How sweet! I will not have a rat, mouse or snake issue. GOD is surely blessing me.

Your dog charges me or my child, touches me or my child, one more time while I am walking past your house on the sidewalk I am thinking pepper-spray, tazzer, or worse. I will notify Uncle Tom.

Mean mugging me while standing in your drive way amuses me so please do not stop.

Thank you

Your neighbor!

Breakfast Letters: fire

Breakfast Letters: fire: Good morning. It has once again been several days since my last letter. I have had a plethora of early morning committee meetings. Last week...

fire

Good morning. It has once again been several days since my last letter. I have had a plethora of early morning committee meetings. Last week there were 2 this week I have three. I sat down on Saturday intending to jot down a few of the local village events and library events. I looked up 6 villages and 3 libraries. My September calendar is now pretty full. But it will be fall in a few weeks and I am coming back to life.

There was a huge fire in my neighborhood last night. The police were not letting people into the hood and many people were leaving. I have no idea how many fire trucks or engines were here but there was a steady train of them. Helicopters were flying by. We saw it from up on 1604 as we were returning from picking up Shaggy from work. A huge pinkish red curtain of smoke draped the sky right where our home was. My house had not been in flame when I left it 20 minutes prior so I knew it could not be mine. But there is that moment of panic and my first thought was…. The cats! Shaggy said “Mom hurry get home I have to save my x-box.” The fire was about 4 streets over. I am not sure what burned the police were keeping people out long after the fire was out. My cousin sent me a link to a map the Texas Forrest Service has put out on the location of all the fires burning in Texas right now and they cover a third of the state. My daughter asked why GOD was letting it burn…. Because Rick Perry is way off track and GOD is trying to get his attention…. No art?.... really Rick?!   One of your biggest supporters is an artist!!!! You better learn who your fans are!!!  She decided it was Obama and he had better get right with GOD. I did not argue that one.

I attended the flag pole and flag ceremony yesterday at the historic Selma Stage stop. It was very casual, hometown, potluck supper. I enjoyed the feel of village. I then came home and read up on the history of the stage stop and the El Camino Real and Spanish Trails and old Austin Highway. Very exciting and stage-coaching was a cut-throat business. Historians believe that the stop has been here since at least 1847. That is old. I had kin folk in California in Sacramento and Placerville and Eldorado in the 1850’s. They were doctors and all of them played a vital part in the history of Sacramento. One of them bought up plats of land which he sectioned into lots and sold or leased to people moving to Sacramento during the gold rush. They were into politics and the arts.

Apparently there is a boycott going on right now against turn signals. No one is using them. I really want to understand the logic behind it.  First people, no one can read your minds but GOD. Second, there is no fee associated with using it. Third it is polite and thoughtful. (This may be the reason). Ok to be honest I saw one car use a turn signal. She whipped over into the lane in front of me and then turned on her signal after it blinked at me 5 times she turned it off. WHAT? She was already in the lane! Was she afraid I did not see her? Was she laughing at me? Was she saying la-ti-da I pulled over in front of you? I wanted to pull her over and ask her what that was about. This is the worst driving offense ever!! People use your bloody turn signals!!!!!

I have a meeting…..