cocnut

Sometimes it is what is said. Sometimes it is how it is said. Sometimes it is just how we hear it and sometimes it is just plain stupid.

Jimmie went inside the gas station to pay for a fill up, a tank, not a few gallons but maybe 11 (it is a little car).  He had $100. He pulled it out of his wallet and handed it to the clerk as he said he wanted to fill up the tank. The clerk refused to take his money. Jimmie’s version: They did not want my money. The clerk had just made a deposit of cash into the safe and did not have the change, but she did not explain that at first to him. Now, Jimmie was not buying a candy bar or a soda. He was going to spend about $30.  “Uh….OK” He went over to another gas station. He walked inside and asked “Will you take my money?” The clerk inside asked if there was something wrong with the money, that is what Jimmie wondered too. As we drove by the station in the course of the next few days Jimmie tells me see that gas station…yeah?.....they do not like money. We both laugh.

Shaggy and I pull into Starbucks. (Most of you know I am NOT a Starbucks fan)  I see the coconut Frappuccino is still on the menu. It is not the Coconut coffee from Its A Grind but it does bring back pleasant memories. I order it. The clerk tells me they do not have it anymore because coconuts are out of season. WHAT??? I laugh. “Coconuts do not go out of season.”  “We do not have it anymore coconuts are out of season”. WHAT? Ok for those of us who understand how things work outside of a world where Starbucks dictates to us how we will drink coffee, all that is needed is a little coconut syrup, a little toffee syrup and some toasted coconut. They could keep these items on hand and serve them all year but …. Starbucks is endorsed by Obama and well …. I ordered something else that they keep on the menu all the time. We exchange money and drinks with the child at the window the whole time I am laughing about out of season coconuts. Do grocery stores know this as they are selling apparently, contraband, coconuts? Have I been breaking the law at Christmas when I make my famous coconut macaroon pie? (Not that that, would stop me from making the pie.) The child reacted as though it was illegal to serve coconuts after August. I just could not stop laughing. It was as though my ribs were being tickled from the inside. Maybe it was hysteria. He asks me to wait a moment and they hand me a free coconut Frap out of what is left of the syrup. It is nasty. I do not drink it. Shaggy wants a raspberry lemonade tea (I am surprised that is not out of season) before work the next day. I reluctantly go back. I do not order. The child is at the window again and yes he remembers me. GREAT!! “What I meant to say yesterday Ma’am is that we no longer stock coconut syrup. It is a summer seasonal drink.” LOL…. “Ok but you do understand that coconuts are available all year?” He smiles….”yes.”

I am in another village on another and Jimmie wants to go to Starbucks. “Oh boy!” I feel dread seep in and then humor. “I don’t suppose I can get a coconut frap can I?”…wait for it….wait….wait….. “No ma’am coconuts are seasonal.”  Yes I lost it. No it was not as bad as some of you are bound to think it was. This time it is not a child. It is a grown man. “Honey, coconuts are not seasonal. You can buy them and their syrup all year.” Jimmie is looking at me as if I had just grown two heads. The clerk is looking at me as if I am his X-Box and just called him by name. I burst out laughing. The barista stops making the drinks and with a smile as benevolent as an angel looks at us all and then explains that what his clerk meant was that Starbucks only serves the coconut drink seasonally. “Yeah I got that!! Did he?” I ask as I point to the dumbfounded clerk. The barista looks a little shocked because the man clerk is really looking confused. Jimmie drags me out of Starbucks.  

Shaggy’s dinner date with friends was cancelled last night. It is after 10 before they cancel, she has not eaten. Bad b.o.y.s. She wants comfort food so we drive off to McDonalds. She is dropping weight so she will be at the ideal super model weight and when the order taker asks what she wants to drink with her # 8 grilled I answer water. This has never been a problem before. “A bottle of water?” the little speaker asks. “No, water, instead of soda in the cup that comes with the meal.” Are you ready? You are NOT going to believe this…. “Water is not a beverage we can put in a cup.” WHAT??? Shaggy and I look at each and then I roll with laughter. “I just want water in the cup instead of soda.” “That is not a beverage that comes with the meal.” She replies. What?..... This cannot be happening again!. Sam says “thank you”. “Mom, Just drive on up”….we are laughing. She says…”it is not a coconut we want, it is water Mom.”  We pull up to the window make our transaction and I jot down the number of the owner for complaint purposes. I have to call about this. Water is not a beverage….LOL…. I am either paying for the cup in the meal deal or paying for the soda in the meal deal or both. Any way you slice it up I am paying for a cup of something. Give me the Bloody cup and put the water in it!!!! ReallYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

People this should be a call to action for us. We are losing our right to choice! We are being dictated to by huge corporations about what we can and can not drink. What is next? Health care? We will soon be told we have to carry health insurance? Will we be required to have ID on us at all times like in Germany? “Vere are your papers?”!!!!! 

I am going to every grocery store in the city and buying every coconut, syrup , flakes and anything else coconut I can find. When it comes to pass in a few months that coconuts are officially illegal in months other that Starbucks says. I will be known as Tamara the Duchess of Coconut, Pirate at large. I will have fleets of coconut smuggling ships, trucks all across America. Storehouses, Warehouses.