Effen Cucumber

My children came screaming into the house last night that Armageddon was happening and I needed to come downstairs now. At first I think it is them being dramatic but the tone of their voices is oddly not funny. I go down the stairs and out the door and they are pointing toward two very bright lights in the distance that do not appear to being moving but are coming at us. I must admit it did look odd. But that was not all that was going on. They were also telling me to look up something else was going on in the sky. Right as I looked up I saw a brilliant light going streaking by and, then another one. I could only asses one imminent threat at a time so let’s focus on the lights to the east. They certainly did look as though they were not moving like a plane would. They were not on the flight paths to either the airport or the base. Standing still I established their position with the house across the street and realized that they were coming toward us but also moving slowly from west to south. Then the first one made a southern turn and vanished. Moments later the second one did the same. I listened. They came no further in our direction and since they were lower on the horizon I could not see them. My conclusion was helicopters and they did land at the base. The next threat to my otherwise calm and drama free children was the terror is the sky. As Shaggy saw two more and then a third whizz by I realized, meteorites. We were seeing a meteor shower. I dashed upstairs to check it out on Stardate and sure enough we were seeing the tail end of the Leonides. They had peeked on the 17 and were moving on. Mystery all solved and everyone calm again.

I am really confused.  Men will not give me the time, open a door or be polite. However I seem to have no problem with young men, as in late teens (almost creepy). They open doors while standing as tall and straight as they can, they smile at me, they stare at me, they grin, they let me go ahead of them.  I have them showing off like little man on the bicycle yesterday. He sees me and decides to cruise by and attempt to pop a wheelie on his bike. He gets it off the ground but it is a little. He is embarrassed and scoots off as fast as he can.  It was cute and I very much appreciated the gesture. He thought I was worth his time and energy to perform a daring feat. I Lady Tamarawww.LairdOfLochaber.com was flattered.

MOMS!!!!!! I know the kids are on vacation. I know you want  them out of your hair or picking up last minute items for your Thanksgiving feast however, giving your 16 year old son the family oversized year old Suburban with the glamour package and sending them out…not a good idea. Have you ever seen your kids drive when you are not watching?  Let me tell you. He came roaring (is that a V-8?) through the parking lot and had to slam on your brakes before he hit a very steep curb. After a stop he makes an abrupt left jerk stomps on the gas pedal and zooms further through the parking lot looking for an exit. He spies it as he is passing it and now with another jerk on the steering wheel without letting any pressure up off the gas pedal he turns sharply right. He sees his goal the exit. Does he stop? Does he slow down? I would say he may have let off the pressure on the gas pedal but he did not apply the brakes and without looking makes a right turn, ends up on the other side of the street while accelerating and left a few inches of your tires on the pavement. I believe he was attempting to “drift” your vehicle through the turn. He was not driving a Veilside Fortune RX-7. It was a suburban made by Chevrolet. But that is not the end. He slammed down on the accelerator and careened off down the alley swerving from left to right as he did so in an attempt to copy some fishtailing. I pray he made it home safely.

My exciting day is not over. I go out to lunch with my girlfriends and what is served? A bit of undercooked salmon (there seems to be a trend in the restaurant business to undercook fish…STOP!!!!!)  and, an artificial vegetable. They call it a broccolini. It is un-cutable and tasteless and just lies there limply hanging off the edge of my plate. The salad was divine!  The company delightful, the artificial side dish…really? How about you trade in the broccolini for the ever pretty purple broccoli and really add some color and shock value to your entrees.

But wait, there is more. This restaurant has taken twitters about themselves and turned them into what is supposed to be a marketing gimmick table topper. Really? Do you people even read the twitters you use? The one at our table makes no sense. What is gaaaaaa? It sounds as though the author of the tweet is hacking a hairball. Like the sound Golum makes when he is dislodging a fish scale from his throat. She also speaks in her twitter (yes it is a female her photo and twitter name are on the table tent) of an Effen Cucumber. Is this a kindred species to the broccolini?  Dear educators of American children see what your lack of educating and total dedication to test preparation has done to our children? They are ……. (Thumpers mom is glaring at me…….LOL)

What new vegetables shall I encounter today?