Notes to a theater critic

I decided to attend a movie yesterday 

and as I was perusing the list of available film choices my eyes wandered to the reviews of the theater and once again a people did not fail to cause me chagrin.  The review was quite lengthy and went on about how the theater is packed with people mostly teenagers. The place is noisy the kids are loud and obnoxious even during the movie. The facility is filthy, the staff is rude on and on it went. I had to stop, back up and see if it was actually about the place I was going. It was. I attend this same theater at least twice a month and have never encountered this problem. As I was starting to feel Twilight Zoned the vast expanse of this person’s anger dawned on me. They went on a weekend; probably to the opening of some long awaited blockbuster film.  I do not ever go to a movie on a Friday or Saturday. Shaggy and I used to go to a 10:00PM movie every Sunday night but it was never crowded or loud. Most sensible people were at home in bed dreading their Monday morning commute. So to the overwrought, probably 60 something, on a date human who wrote the review…

1.  They have movies every day of the week starting in the morning around 11 and continuing until well past 11 at night. If you do not want to be surrounded by teenagers, date on a Monday.

2.  Those huge blockbuster films play all day usually on several screens all week long.

3.  It is easier to sit back and relax, become swept up in the film, live anther life for 2 hours in the peace of a private showing which can happen any other day but the weekend.

4.  You will NOT receive a prize for being at the opening of a film on Friday at 7. What you will receive is exactly what you got.

5.  You criticized the place for squarely doing what they do.

6.  Your chances of not breathing in some ill persons nasty germs are greatly diminished.

7.  You are not a spectacular human because you can brag at brunch that “yes I saw that movie already” . Really? You saw it? You heard it? You experienced it? How can that be when you were sitting in a noisy theater surrounded by obnoxious teens that probably did not turn off their social devices and were causing distractions?

I had a private showing yesterday. Just I and 8 other people occupied a room set to seat 120 it was fabulous!

As I watched the pre-show entertainment a Taco Bell advertisement appears and it is two teens in a car. The girl takes a bite of her Dorito taco and the shy young lad leans over, not realizing it, kisses her and she tastes like a Dorito; he is thrilled and surprised. She grins. It was cute, but then not. 

The thought of some marketing genius now creating Cool Ranch, Zesty Salsa and Kansas City BarBQ flavored lip gloss for Lancôme is disturbing. 

I remember my teen-aged boyfriend being heartily surprised after kissing me to discover my lips tasted like cinnamon and just to be sure he would quickly kiss me again. Do I want him to associate me with a bag of chips of a juicy red wrapped cinnamon candy?

You horse people may get this. Yesterday was one of those days when you are saddled up and your horse is so energized he cannot stand still and just prances in place and in circles because he can contain himself no longer.  You ask for a walk and he skips. You let him have his head and the gentle lope you hope for is now a staccato of long legged hops. He shakes his head, he plays with the bit, and the wind has become his dance partner. It is not gusting or blowing but seems to be performing a Paso-Doble with you. That was my day, except I have no horse. But it was the best day I ever had with Face. He was an Arabian with a very fluffy tail, which was flagging behind him all that afternoon.

It is a Nutella on toast morning. How has your day started?