Man in Van

I have made my turn into the lane closest to me. I am driving, there is an SUV in front of me and bit ahead of the SUV is a grey minivan (of course I think soccer mom) in the next lane over. 

All of a sudden minivan changes lanes over in front of the SUV which slams on its brake giving me a moment to react and slow down. I am assuming it is a crazy woman with like….4 screaming toddlers and she are (the power that creates Word feels that there should be an are in that sentence instead of an is) at her limit. But wait, she was not done. She then brakes suddenly causing the SUV to again slam on the brakes. The SUV out of a sense of outrage has since been tailgating the minivan in retribution for pulling directly in front of him. (Very wise choice…)Keep in mind the minivan has not used a turn signal, not once in two maneuvers. Instead of positioning her minivan into the turn lane in one smooth motion she rides the dividing lane for several moments slowly committing her van to the turn lane. I have switched lanes, using turn signals, so as not to be involved in whatever disaster they are heading into. Then she pulls sharply out of the lane and stops waiting to make a left turn into the bank. The speed limit on this piece of road is 40 so that is how fast we were going when all this happened. The SUV again brakes and then once she is committed to turn the SUV stomps on his gas pedal and roars away. I look over to see this crazy female to verify she is not blonde or Asian as are most of the bad jokes about drivers. To my surprise and gales of laughter it is not a female with bad habits it is a male creature resembling Billy Zane in a minivan and he is talking on the phone driving, one handed apparently clueless that he is not the only driver out there.

Can someone please enlighten me to the wisdom of putting stick people or aliens or turtles on the back window of your SUV or van that represents your family from parents to the 3 daughters and 1 son?

 That tell me where they go to school by claiming in a bumper sticker that they made the honor roll at Rock Hudson Elementary. With megaphones so that I know Amanda and Tiffany are cheerleaders and Tyler plays soccer. 

Do you people have any idea the amount of personal information you are sharing with a criminal mind?  They now know you are not home a lot. They can easily get school schedules and team schedules. I wonder if these same parents complain about what an unsafe world it is.

I worked at a registration table at a Rotary Golf tournament yesterday and had a wonderful time. I then jumped on the beer cart with L and off we drove serving beer to thirsty golfers for hours. Best job of the event. However due to the size of the keg and the container that housed it and the ice I had to sit straddling the handrail. I now have a bruise on my inner thigh the size of a large baking potato that is swollen and decorated in shades of blue, red and brilliant hues of purple. We were only told once that we were making too much noise. Driving through the 18 hole course was a get back to nature trip. We saw deer everywhere, doe and fawn still wearing their spots.

 Squirrels that were not quit black, more of a mottled grey that melted into a dark brown. Not your typical red bushy squirrels you see in your yard but more like the black ones you see in California. We even saw one climb out of an oak tree with his face so stuffed with acorns that his cheeks were twice the size of his head. There was a gopher or ground hog or some sort of varmint on a short cliff overlooking the creek. We came upon a brilliant green snake that someone had killed on a bridge. Very sad. We rescued a turtle only to have him fly out of the cart as we careened around a curve and down a hill. A bee even landed on L’s foot and started to crawl around her ankle causing here to get the creepy tickle it will sting me freak out. We stopped and I rescued her foot and the bee that I turned loose onto a tree leaf. I believe he was after the beer that had been spilt on her foot.

I got home to open to my email to find a note from my editor that I get a press pass this year!!!!  Whooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lady Tamara  www.LairdOfLochaber.com is now official. No more telling people who I am and they looking at me with a bit of hesitation. I am also buying a new camera!!! So if anyone wants to contribute to the Lady Tamara Camera fund please do so.

What adventure awaits today?